


Hope

by Lalaith_Quetzalli



Series: Hope and Salvation [1]
Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Charles and Erik belong together, Fix-It, M/M, Moira and Raven are friends, Moira gets her memories back, Moira is good!, Moira time travels to save the world, POV First Person, Slash, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-11-27 18:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalaith_Quetzalli/pseuds/Lalaith_Quetzalli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 1 of the "Hope and Salvation" series. </p><p>She was their last hope, humanity’s last hope. </p><p>Her mission: to go fifty years back in time and kill mankind’s greatest threat before it could destroy them. </p><p>And yet, when long-forgotten memories come back, just who, and what, will really be that threat? </p><p>What is Salvation really?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Last Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I've decided to celebrate my birthday (about half a day early), with this fic! All new! New site, new fandom, new pairing and new style! (not in writing, I've written first person before, but I'm not quite sure how else to refer to Yaoi).
> 
> So yes, I'm choosing to clarify here: this fic is Yaoi. While the story itself will be narrated by Moira, the main pairing is Charles and Erik. I won't go too in-depth into their relationship anyway, but it will be there. If any of you don't like this, I'm deeply sorry, but after watching X-Men: First Class I'm incapable of seeing either of them with anyone but each other.
> 
> Having said all that. Let the fic begin!

** **

**Part One. The Last Hope**

My name is Moira MacTaggert, former CIA Agent, Doctor in Biochemistry and Genetics and recently redrafted into the CIA…or well, what would have been the CIA if anyone gave a damn anymore about old, useless protocols.

I have been especially interested in genetic mutation and in mutants as a whole ever since I was twenty-eight, when I was fired from the government Agency and decided to try at an entirely different career. I'm not fully sure what interested me in that in the first place, though I know somehow Dr. Xavier was involved, I remember attending his thesis presentation in Oxford for some reason during my last long-term assignment as an Agent. In any case, while going back to school wasn't the easiest thing ever, it is certainly something I do not regret, as it has given me a great many satisfactions over the years.

In the last several decades I've had the opportunity to work with some of the greatest minds in the field, like Dr. Hank McCoy, a mutant himself, and the aforementioned Dr. Charles Xavier, who actually leads a school dedicated to helping and protecting mutant youths. Such a place, I've found so absolutely fascinating the few times I've been there, and at the same time so strangely, almost painfully, familiar…

One of the most recent times I was there was in fact a few years ago, when I attended the funeral of one Charles Xavier. It was so strange there, even as I felt a pang of grief inside my heart, greater than anyone should have felt for someone who was little more than a colleague, a work-friend at most. Almost as if a part of me knew he had been, or should have been, in fact, more. In any case, I never had much time to ponder on that line of thought, not with how the whole world pretty much went to hell not long after that.

'The Cure', that thrice-damned thing I can hardly believe I was even a part of! I should have known treating mutations as a sickness was wrong, in fact, I'm quite sure a part of me knew it was very wrong. It's not like I have ever been afraid of mutants in general (what several people have been known to do with their abilities, particularly Magneto and the members of his Brotherhood, is another matter entirely); and yet I also knew some of the actual mutants truly saw their differences from humans as a sickness, and I just wanted to help them…it just all went so terribly wrong.

I've always known that even the best of intentions can have the worst of consequences. It's what the 'road to hell' is paved with, and all that. I also understood that even the best of inventions could be used in the worst possible ways, military ways, ways of destruction and war…I mean, I did live through the Cold War, the Missile Crisis…even if most of the details of those days are hazy at best. However, nothing could have prepared me, prepared anyone really, for what happened on Muir Island that awful day…

For most that day in itself, the memory of it, is bad enough. It's only worse for those of us who actually know, who understand, how that day was the beginning of it all: the beginning of the fight, of destruction…of the war! The beginning of the end…Some of us always knew, or at least suspected, war was inevitable; and even if we had ever been optimistic enough to believe it could be averted, the situation a few years prior on Liberty Island, and then less than a year ago when the whole world fell on its knees, quite literally, was more than enough to open our eyes to the painful truth. And yet…and yet nothing could have prepared anyone for what came after Alcatraz… it was, and still is, terrible, worse than the worst possible nightmare. Worse than the Holocaust, than the persecution of Christians and any other religious group around the world, than the Inquisition…it's the End of the World, literally.

Somehow, and I'm still not quite sure just how, I've managed to stay alive this long. Even with the constant fight, the seemingly endless pain and grief and death…

For a while I stayed in Westchester, Ororo Monroe, the new Head of Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters gave me refuge when I had nowhere else to go…I had to see how little by little the place became less of a school and more of a refuge, how the children became less carefree children and more war-torn soldiers…it was painful to watch, especially so, because something inside me also told me it had happened before, that it had been meant to happen all along…but I did not want it to be like that. These were children for god's sake!

_They were children…_

The voice that whispered in my head was foreign and familiar at the same time, it wasn't the first time I had heard it; and like every time before, I couldn't really pinpoint the origin. I didn't really care at that point, there were far more important things to care about: like the young mutants, the children with too-old eyes that kept arriving to the Institute, looking for a safe place to rest, and for a chance to help…

The strangest of all the days I spent there was perhaps the day an old man arrived to the mansion. Mrs. Monroe, Storm, as almost everyone called her, referred to him as Erik Lehnsherr; however, I could hear the students whispering all around, about how he'd been a mutant yet was no longer one, how he'd been Magneto…

I didn't like him, I pretty much held him at least partly responsible for all that had gone wrong in the last five decades…really, it should have been less, the world as a whole hadn't concerned much with his doings until Liberty Island…but something told me he'd done things, bad things, long before that. I just, somehow, couldn't remember it.

How did I know that much? Well, the way he looked at me was a clue; while his expression showed absolutely nothing, there was an odd battle in the light in his eyes: like a mix of shock, disbelief, fury, and something else I couldn't quite name. He knew who I was, more than just by my name or my profession, He Knew Me, the same way I knew him, even if I couldn't really remember. I heard Dr. McCoy once comment, in response to some of the younger X-Men complaining over the man being allowed inside the estate, on how the man had not always been an enemy, he'd once been a friend, he had been the Professor's friend…and then I wondered if I had known him, like I knew the Professor, in that time I couldn't recall more than flashes of… And I wondered what had gone so wrong that they had ended up as enemies, I had no idea; in fact, only Dr. McCoy seemed to know anything about it, and he refused to say a word…

Eventually I had to leave the mansion, we all had to. The war just kept escalating and a moment came when the place was no longer safe. What had supposedly begun as a war of humans versus mutants had become a full-out civil war, everyone against everyone. Because really, not all the mutants cared for being on the same 'side'; and at the same time, not all humans were against mutants. It was a war of everyone against everyone, no matter their race, gender, name, or even their genetics…being a doctor and a former agent it had been a very long time since I had placed much faith in things like God, like heaven and hell, like good and evil…but if there was ever a hell, we were living it. In that neverending war I was sure would only end up with the total destruction of the world. It was such that it was unlikely even the mutants would be able to survive the chaos we were all causing…

And all that has brought to where I am today, sitting in an old chair, deep underground in some military facility in the middle of nowhere. What few leaders of the old military and spy agencies still live today are all here right now, because of me…they brought me here, said they wanted me to be an agent was again. I thought they had to be insane. I mean, really! I am almost eighty years old! What's more, they kicked me out when I was twenty-seven, when I actually had something to offer to the CIA, to my country, why exactly would they want me now?

Then, as they explain their plan, their half-brained, absolutely-insane, incredibly-ridiculous plan, I suddenly understand: Time travel, they have found a way to make time travel possible. Only because, as is logical, two versions of the same person must not exist in the same place at the same time, and one cannot go to a time and place where they do not exist yet…they have to send someone who was in the time and place where they need them, and I am the only one who fills all the specifications. Because, like I've suspected all along, I was there, every step of the way, during the so-called Missile Crisis, I just cannot remember.

I am to be sent back, or at least my mind will. My seventy-seven-year-old mind, to my twenty-seven-year-old body, it's why my age doesn't really matter, I won't be old once I get there, I will be who and what I was at that point in time. And I have a mission to fulfill: to stop the two greatest threats to humanity before they can actually become a threat to us all…the two threats, the leaders of the two greatest teams of mutants: the Brotherhood, and the X-Men…Magneto and the Professor… only I am to stop them before they can even become that, I am to stop them when they are still Erik Lehnsherr and Charles Xavier.

The mission is fairly simple and to the point: after the mutants have taken down Shaw in Cuba (because we still need them to stop Shaw, as he's a mutant and can only be stopped by those who are like him), I am to make sure Lehnsherr and Xavier are permanently incapacitated, by any means necessary.

I do not think about how ridiculous, and unfair, and downright cruel it is that I am supposed to let a group of teenagers and two adults risk their lives to stop a madman and his henchmen, only to then betray them, disable them, possibly kill them. I cannot think about it because, no matter how terrible it might be, how bad it might make me, it cannot be worse than what we're living, the war, the massacre, the chaos, we've been going through the last decade!

So no, I don't think about how bad the mission is, how, one way or another, I'll be little better than a traitor and a murderer at the end of it; because, in the end of it, it cannot be worse than what the whole world is right now, right? Oh Lord, I hope so!

 

**xXx**

It took a while for everything to be ready; though they were all working as fast as possible. It was something hard and complicated to get ready, and yet they were too afraid of them all dying before they could be ready that there was no way for them not to work fast.

Finally the day comes, I am surprised at how simple things are for me, at least on this stage of the plan. While most of the people in the base were busy getting everything ready for her journey, I worked on strengthening my mental shields as much as possible. None of us know for sure on what day I will be arriving exactly, only that it will definitely be before the chaos in Cuba takes place. It means that I will have to spend from a day to several weeks in the company of who I know to be the most powerful telepath ever born; if I do not want my mission to go to hell before I ever got the chance to go through with it, I need to make sure he will not find anything in my mind related to it.

It is ironic how it was the Professor himself who taught me the basics of mental shielding, though others expanded on it during my time in the mansion. Since the war, you never knew when a telepath might be with you or against you, even when you are siding with the mutants; and there are others with psychic gifts that could be just as powerful, and terrible.

And that brings me to yet another matter: sides. Most people would never understand why I went from being a CIA Agent, to working with Professor Xavier, to being part of the team who created the 'Cure', to being with the mutants in the Mansion, to once against being with the government. It seems all very fickle, and awful when seen in those simple terms. But it has never been simple, not at all. I was CIA because I believed in what the Agency was meant to do, in my country, in protecting it; I also shared the Professor's belief that peace was a possibility, yet, what he did not seem to realize, was that not all mutants wanted to be so, which is why I also helped create the 'Cure'. And in the end I went back to the CIA because I honestly want to prevent the apocalypse that seems to be taking place all around me.

I was taught, many years ago, that sometimes sacrifices are necessary, and that there isn't always a good answer for everything, a good option, only one that might be less bad. I do not like the idea of having to kill two men, one who I am quite sure has never been anything but good, but if it is the only way to stop the world from ending I will do it…I know it will most likely end up costing me my life, there is no way I can take down all the mutants who presumably were on Cuba with me on that day; but as long as I could take down Lehnsherr and Xavier they won't have leaders, the X-Men and the Brotherhood will never be formed, the world will be safe…or that's what I've been telling myself.

When the day comes I am lead to a chair in the middle of the room. Then, after a long speech reminding me of my mission, of what is at stake, my duties, the honor of my country, and a lot other things I find useless and ridiculous in our precarious situation; a doctor approaches me with a syringe of…something, I do not even want to think what might be there. He is to inject it into my neck, into the artery that takes blood straight into my brain, and somehow that will allow my mind to travel back in time…I don't bother asking the how, it isn't important. All that is important is for it to work.

"Good luck Agent MacTaggert." Is the last I hear from my former superior right as pain overtakes my brain and darkness envelopes me. "Godspeed…"

 

**xXx**

The dizziness is such that I cannot help but double over, holding my head between my hands. It takes me a few seconds but eventually I begin to notice things, like the fact that I am no longer seating in a hard and old wooden chair but a much more comfortable cushioned seat. After all the dizziness has passed I look to the side through the fringe of my hair, to make sure I haven't already called attention to myself, I can see there's no one close enough to me to actually notice me, which could be explained by the fact that I am sitting in the very last row of the small auditorium, and while it isn't exactly packed full, those present actually seem to be interested in the person talking on the stand.

"Mutation: it is the key to our evolution. It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant species on the planet. This process is slow, and normally taking thousands and thousands of years. But every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward…"

He keeps talking, but I do not need to hear anymore, from what little I actually can remember, that particular speech is clear in my mind. It's the speech given by Dr…or to-be-Dr. Charles Xavier, his thesis presentation.

I am back, I am truly, unbelievably, amazingly, back in time to the Summer of 1962…

"Professor in Genetics, Charles Francis Xavier." Comes the official announcement.

I am still a bit put out by the whole time-traveling situation, so I do not move from my place until everyone else had left, it's not like I am in any hurry anyway, I know I won't be meeting with the professor until tonight, and even then, he won't be telling me anything useful until we are back in CIA HQs…that, however, does not mean I can let down my guard, he can try to read my mind at any moment, I have to be prepared for that.

That's pretty much what I spend the late afternoon doing, preparing (and making sure I remember everything I ought to know in this time and place).

At evening I make my way to the pub that, I know, caters to the Oxford crowd. There is Charles, drinking what should be considered a quite unhealthy amount of alcohol in one go, does that not affect his telepathy any? In any case, I shouldn't be having that kind of thoughts right now, not when he might pick up on them if I'm not careful.

As soon as he moves away from the cheering crowd (and really, cheer for being able to drink way too much alcohol, apparently without breathing?) I approach him.

"Congratulations professor." I smile brightly at him, focusing on keeping only thoughts of the present time and place at the forefront of my mind, and trying to replicate the curious but naïve individual I was the first time around.

"Thank you very much, it's harder than it looks actually." He comments flippantly, looking at the now-empty glass container he holds in his hands.

"No, on your presentation." I correct.

"Oh, my presentation." That seems to surprise him briefly. "Ah, you were at my presentation, how nice of you. Thank you very much…"

"Moira MacTaggert." I introduce myself, still smiling.

"Charles Xavier." He responds in kind.

"Do you have a minute?" I inquire.

As he begins talking about genes, my hair color, some kind of mutation, all while leading me to an empty table I cannot help but wonder briefly, has he always been that much of a flirt? Yes, yes he was, maybe I was too focused on my work the first time around…or that was just part of all I couldn't actually remember… The act he puts on, because I know, instinctively, that it is an act, is kind of dorky, but I can see how a good number of women might fall for it; I'm not blind, I have eyes, Charles Xavier is a very handsome man, and his manners are those of a gentleman. Still, I am quite irked knowing he's quite probably the reason my memory of these months has more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese.

He goes on for a while about mutation, evolution and the like, and I think I might have let him go on longer than I did the first time around, but eventually I do interrupt him, pointing out how I am there on business.

"I really need your help." I try to make him understand how serious it all is.

"All right." He nods, paying more attention.

"The kind of mutations that you were talking about in your thesis. I need to know if they may have already happened…in people alive today?" I ask him, trying to be vague, yet giving him enough information to actually get the kind of answer I need.

I see him look at me oddly, as he cocks his head to a side slightly, then, as he raises a hand to touch his temple slightly I have to use all my self control not to slam all my shields up in a second. I knew he had read my mind during our first meeting! I just hadn't actually thought about it back then, but in that moment, even with everything I still don't know, I realize what that gesture of his means. And as afraid as it makes me to know he's in my mind, I have to focus on the fact that, if he did things like that in my past, then he's probably seeing what I saw in the Hellfire Club, and he needs to see it, to help. So I allow it to go on for a number of seconds, enough time for him to look over my memories of that night, praying that the shields I keep up, protecting the memories of a time yet to come, for him at least, go unnoticed. Eventually, as I begin to get a bit too nervous about the time he's spent looking into my head, I cannot help but interrupt him:

"Professor?" I call him, moving my hand in front of his face. "Professor are you alright?"

I think I might have said something about drinking and being sober the first time around, but in this moment all I want is for him to get out of my head before I'm found out; and it's not like a sentence or two are that important in the grand scheme of things…right?

"Something tells me you already know the answer to your question." He declares, finally, as he lowers his hand. "This is very important to me, and if I can help you, I will do my utmost."

"Thank you."

The reassurance does me well, and at least I know I haven't ruined things so far. Now I just need to get him back to Langley, make sure that part goes as planned as well, and begin to plan how exactly I'm supposed to take down the most powerful telepath history has seen! Oh, and let's not forget a Master of Magnetism as well! Who in the seven hells ever believed one single person could take on this mission alone?! Right, there weren't more options, I was said to be their last hope? Now I have to hope I won't ruin it and have history turn out worse!

 

**xXx**

Plans are made for us, and Charles sister, Miss Raven Xavier, to leave the following morning for Langley. I know that Miss Xavier is a mutant as well, though I cannot fully recall what it is she can do. Still, I choose not to focus on that for the time being.

The following day I can only feel thankful for the rather long flight, while it usually irks me, in that moment I'm just not ready for the horror that I know will be the meeting where I'll be introducing Mr. and Miss Xavier. The fact that I could barely sleep at all last night does not help matters any. I did not even dream! Or if I did, I do not remember…that seems to be a constant with me, not being able to remember things…it really, really annoys me.

After a day spent packing, flying on a couple of planes (we had to change planes in New York since we were in commercial flights), I take my two guests to a hotel (I cannot take them to my apartment when I only have one bedroom); and we make plans to meet for breakfast the following morning so I can then take them to the CIA HQs; Director McCone has already been informed of their arrival, and while he doesn't like it, he has agreed to give them a chance. His reaction is no surprise to me at all, my superior has never liked having people unrelated to the CIA be present, much less speak, in meetings, particularly high-ranked ones; and I suppose that the fact that he still hasn't forgiven me for what he sees as a 'failed emergency report' last week doesn't help matters any.

Still, in this moment I can hardly find it in myself to care, what began as an annoying but almost harmless headache this morning is now worse than the worst migraine I've ever experienced. By the time I get to my apartment I can barely manage to stumble to my bed and, still in my clothes, I fall right on top of the covers.

The beat of my heart seems to be somehow deafening in my ears, my head feels as if someone were wielding a mace against a brick wall, repeatedly, I cannot move a muscle and the darkness seems to envelop me faster and faster every second.

I do not have the slightest idea what is going on, though in my last second of awareness I could swear I can almost hear and feel as something snaps somewhere deep inside my brain, and then a rush: of voices, images, sensations, knowledge, rushes over me and I black out.


	2. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More introspection and a change in mission. 
> 
> What would happen if Moira (this version of Moira at least) got her memories back (the ones Charles sealed)?

**Part Two. Memories**

" _I haven't been entirely honest with you, love. I'm sorry. You see, one of the many spectacular things my mutation allows me to do, is that I can read your mind."_

_._

" _Not only can he read minds, he can communicate as well."_

_._

" _I've lost Shaw. I've los...I've lost Shaw! The...there's something blocking me. This has never happened to me before! I think there's someone like me on that ship."_

" _Like you?"_

" _Um...I'm sorry. A telepath. This is incredible! I could actually feel her inside my mind. I'm very sorry, but I don't think I'm gonna be much help to you tonight. You're on your own."_

_._

" _Stop! Stop, stop, stop…"_

" _Charles! Are you okay?"_

" _There's someone else out there…"_

_._

" _Marvelous. So are we to be the CIA's new mutant division, yes?"_

" _Something like that."_

_._

" _I'm telling you, these kids are not ready for Shaw."_

" _I think they're gonna surprise you. They're an exceptional bunch of young people."_

_._

" _What are you doing? Who destroyed the statue?"_

" _It was Alex."_

" _No. Havok! We have to call him Havok. That's his name now. And we were thinking, you should be Professor X and you should be Magneto."_

" _Exceptional…"_

_._

" _He's not coming. So what now boss?"_

" _Now nothing. We're here for Shaw. Mission aborted."_

" _The hell it is."_

" _Erik…"_

" _She's his righthand woman. That's good enough for me."_

" _The CIA invading the home of a senior soviet officer, are you crazy?"_

" _I'm not CIA."_

" _Erik!"_

_._

" _We're moving out!"_

" _You can't!" a sigh. "I'm sorry, I can't leave him."_

_._

" _They killed Darwin."_

" _All the more reason for you to leave. This is over."_

" _Darwin's dead, Charles. And we can't even bury him."_

" _We can avenge him."_

_._

" _They're just kids."_

" _No. They were kids. Shaw has his army. We need ours."_

" _We'll have to train. All of us. Yes?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _We can't stay here. Even if they re-opened the department, it's not safe. We've got nowhere to go."_

" _Yes we do."_

_._

" _This is yours?"_

" _No. It's ours."_

" _Honestly Charles, I don't know how you survived. Living in such hardship…"_

" _Well, it was a hardship softened by me."_

_._

" _That's where we're gonna find Shaw."_

" _How do you know?"_

" _Two super powers facing off, and he wants to start WWIII. He won't leave anything to chance."_

" _So much for diplomacy. I suggest you all get a good night's sleep."_

_._

" _Do we really have to wear these?_

" _As none of us are mutated to endure extreme G-force or being riddled by bullets, I suggest we suit up."_

_._

" _If that ship crosses the line, our boys are gonna blow it up. And the war begins."_

" _Unless they're not our boys."_

_._

" _He's gone!"_

" _What?"_

" _He's gone into the void! I can't communicate with him there!"_

_._

" _The real enemy is out there. I feel their guns moving in the water. Their metal, targeting us. Americans, Soviets, humans. United in their fear of the unknown. The Neanderthal is running scared, my fellow mutants! Go ahead, Charles. Tell me I'm wrong."_

" _Fleet Commander, this is Delta Seven Alpha Zero…Respond, over…The beach is secure, call of the attack…"_

_._

" _I said back off! You…you did this…"_

" _Please! She didn't do this, Erik. You did."_

_._

" _Charles, don't move. Okay?_

" _I won't. Actually, I can't...I...I can't feel my legs!"_

" _What?"_

" _I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs!"_

_._

" _Moira, for us anonymity will be the first line of defense."_

" _I know. They can threaten me all they want, Charles. I'll never tell them where you are. Ever!"_

" _I know you won't. I know."_

_._

" _You don't remember anything?"_

" _Sometimes I get fragments. Like...trees, sunlight, a kiss…"_

.

I don't even need to open my eyes to know I'm crying. Instead I just lay there, hands fisted at my sides, and when the emotion becomes too much, I hit my mattress. Damn it Charles! You were supposed to trust me! I made you a promise! A promise I would have died to keep…

I cannot help but wonder what he thought years later, when I wrote him for some advice on my thesis…was that the first time he knew of me after that day or had he kept tabs on me? Honestly, I don't know which option I would prefer.

We met each other many times, especially after I became a doctor, after I began working with him and Dr. McCoy on Mutant Rights…why did he never tell me? Did he erase my memory to protect himself, and the children, or just because he no longer wanted me around? Did he ever wish he hadn't done it? So many questions, little to no answers…

And yet, there's one thing a part of my brain is avoiding to think about, yet I know I have to. This, these memories…it changes everything. Charles Xavier is no threat, well, a part of me knew that already; but with these new/old memories now I have no doubt. Charles Xavier is kindest, wisest, most compassionate man to ever walk this earth; he may be a mutant, he may be the most powerful telepath, but he would never hurt anyone. And Erik Lehnsherr…well, with what I remember now, some of the things he's done make so much sense! I may not agree with everything he's done, or even most of it, but a part of me understands he had good intentions deep down, and he had some very bad past experiences fueling his attitude and course of action. Which also explains why, to the very end, the Professor never actually tried to take Magneto down…how can one do that to their best friend?

And so I'm left in a conundrum. While from the very beginning I felt the mission wasn't the best idea, now I know for a fact there's no way I could ever go through with it. There's no way I could ever go against Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr…but I cannot let things go as they did the first time around. So, what should I do now?

What is the real problem here? The war. The war should have never happened. And why did it happen? Humans feared the mutants and fights broke out, and as much as it may pain me to accept, I know that most of those fights were originated by humans, men like Stryker, both father and son…So then, how can I stop that from happening? It's not like I can just go and assassinate Stryker! Aside from the fact that I'll end up in jail for life, or possibly even executed for treason, I have no way to justify my actions. What then?

I sigh, really. Why does life have to be so complicated? I mean, the Professor and Magneto are supposed to be the two most powerful mutants ever. Yet they were always against each other, if they could have just worked together, mix protection of mutants, with defense from humans, without actually raging war on humanity…maybe things wouldn't have been as bad. But they just couldn't work together… No, that's not true. They may have been as close to enemies as one can be in the time I came from, but it wasn't always that way. Not at the beginning…not now.

So, if the problem is the two of them not working together, that means I have to make sure they do…And how exactly am I supposed to be able to do that? When exactly did they split? In Cuba, that god-forsaken beach…too much went wrong in Cuba! Erik was proven right, on the fact that humans would turn against them, even when they were supposed to be on the same side; Charles lost his legs; and those two went their separate ways. If only…

Could those things really change? Could they change enough that history itself change? Do I even have the power to do something like that?

I shook my head. Well, my original plan included trying to kill both men! At least this one is a tad less suicidal…I think.

I know Charles will be meeting Erik tonight, when we go to Miami to try and catch Shaw. Maybe if I take a more proactive role in their works this time around. Not too much, I don't want to take the risk of changing things too much and ruining everything. But enough, maybe I can help them find a compromise…though I have no idea how I could ever do what I'm quite sure Charles must have tried and failed to do the first time around. And yet, I must try, the rest of the world might as well depend on it…

**xXx**

The rest of the morning I just go through the motions. Breakfast with Charles and Raven, constantly making sure my shields are in place and praying that Charles won't notice there is something off about me. Not sure if he would actually believe that I'm from the future, but if he does, who's to say he will even believe what I'm trying to do now, especially with what my original mission in this time was supposed to be?

Thankfully I don't actually need to do much. Charles goes through his presentation, a modified version of the one he used with his thesis, in which he openly points out about the fact that mutants do exist. No one except I, and possibly Senior Agent Platt on a corner, seem to be paying any attention to him. Once he's over the Director actually expresses his total disbelief over everything. But of course, I already knew he wasn't going to believe us, not until Raven takes it upon herself into Agent Stryker and then into what appears to be her real form: blue scaly skin, amber eyes and scarlet hair. She actually startles me briefly though, unknown to anyone who might be seeing me, it's not because of her looks, but the memory of the last time I saw her future self: Mystique…it wasn't good…

I go along with things, the denial, the accusations, the orders to take them away. I'm not quite there anymore, dealing with all the recently unsealed memories (and I still do not know how or why they even were unsealed) has taken a toll on me. I'm practically just going through the motions. At least I don't really need to do much, not until the meeting is over anyway.

On my way out I receive a report, Shaw has been spotted near the coast of Miami, a mission is being prepared for tomorrow night. I have to make use of all my strength of will and lessons with a number of telepaths not to react wrongly when Charles is suddenly on my mind, he has picked up on the mission connected to Shaw and wants to tag along and try to help. I accept.

**xXx**

Things were going pretty much like I had recently remembered from the first time around. It was the strangest sense of déjà vu, saying the same things I had the first time, knowing what they would be saying next. And then when Charles began talking about there being someone else out in the water. The anchor being used to destroy the ship…I can see the mix of shock and fear in the faces of those around me, including Agent Platt and Charles himself; I imitate the expression, so no one suspects anything, and yet inside I remain nonplussed at the display, though I supposed that after seeing him lift a submarine, and the Golden Gate Bridge in the future…an anchor really isn't that much…

I hear Charles yelling at the man in the water, Erik I know, telling him to let go off what, if memory serves, is a submarine and Shaw's getaway; then Charles is yelling at me and Platt to find someone to help me. I don't react, I know Platt beside me is still a bit too shocked to do or say much of anything, and I supposed I must have been too the first time around. In any case, I don't move a muscle, keeping my mind blank until Charles shakes his head and rushes to the other side of the ship.

I get to the other side myself in time to hear the splash as Charles dives into the ocean, taking the time to pick up the coat and shoes he took off in a hurry before jumping off. I give instructions to make sure we won't end up hitting him, or Erik, by accident, before telling two of the officers nearby to be ready to bring the men back on deck.

"We're here!" I hear Charles yell.

I can see he's still talking to Erik, even as they're brought onto the ship. Several of the officers are looking at both of them with a mix of curiosity and remnants of their earlier fear; I do not give them the chance to do anything stupid though, as I signal for Charles to follow me back inside, knowing he'll bring Erik along.

"What is going on here?" Erik demands as soon as we are all in a room below deck.

Raven enters through the opposite door, carrying some towels, she throws one at Erik before looking him up and down briefly, shrugging and going for Charles, whom she envelops in the remaining towel before beginning to rant at him.

"Are you absolutely insane?!" She yells.

"Raven…" Charles begins, still panting for breath.

"You ran off, without any explanation except there being someone else outside." Raven scolds him. "What's worse, you jumped into the ocean! Without a life-vest! In your clothes! What if you had drowned?!"

"Raven…" Charles begins again.

"Don't Raven me Charles!" The apparently blonde girl snaps. "I do not want to lose you! I cannot lose you! Why couldn't you let someone else handle this?!"

With a somewhat paternal smile Charles envelops Raven in a tight hug. It makes me wonder about the memories I have, of Mystique and the Professor, wonder how their relationship could have changed so much; how she could have ever gone from this sweet if somewhat pushy young woman who so obviously thinks the world of her brother, and cares for him as much or more than if they were of the same blood, to the cold and methodic agent that fought and killed humans and mutants alike, even went after her brother at least once.

"This is Erik, he's like us." Charles informs Raven as he approaches the German again. "Erik, this is my sister, Raven. She has her own tricks as well."

"Tricks?" Erik inquires, confused.

For all answer Raven shifts to imitate Erik briefly before going back to her blonde look.

Erik's eyes widen, though there is no other show of his surprise.

"And what can you do?"

It takes me a second or two to realize the metal-kinetic is talking to me. He didn't the first time around…though then again, the first time around I left along with Platt when Raven entered the room, thinking they deserved some privacy. This time I forgot that, and so I am still here.

"I'm afraid I do not have any tricks." I tell him with a shrug. "My name is Moira MacTaggert. I'm with the CIA."

"Human…" Erik muttered in what seemed like a dismissive tone, before doing a double-take. "What the hell has the CIA to do with anything?"

"We're after Shaw." I deadpan.

They are like magic words, instantly I have his whole attention, though no trust; that is alright, I still have time to gain it…if such a thing is even possible. At least he isn't downright dismissing me anymore just because I am not a mutant…

"That's why we're all here." Charles clarifies. "The CIA are going after Shaw for his actions in connection with the problems the American Government currently has with Russia; Raven and I are trying to help. What about you?"

"I'm hunting down Shaw." The German replies without hesitation. "Have been hunting him for a long time…"

"Why?" Raven asks, curious.

"Let's just say he has committed many heinous crimes and I'll make sure he pays for them all… harshly." He mutters coldly.

The blonde just cants her head, eyes full of confusion. Sweet, sweet Raven…it is hard to imagine Mystique as ever being so naïve, so innocent…and yet with that blonde look, it is somewhat easier to believe she really cannot understand the coldness in Erik's eyes…

Charles for his part just shakes his head, it was quite obvious, at least for me, with everything I knew already, that he must have read quite a lot in Erik's head already; he must have at least an idea of the kind of crimes Shaw's committed, and Erik's plans concerning him…I know there's a lot I don't know concerning Erik's and Shaw's shared past, only that it has something to do with the concentration camps (and that's enough to know it cannot be good…). It's also obvious Charles doesn't plan on sharing any of that information with anyone; I just hope it'll help him help Erik…and did I really just think about someone helping Magneto?! Those new/old memories are really affecting me…either that or the time travel has popped more than a few screws out of place…let's just hope this won't ruin everything…

**xXx**

The next afternoon, after spending half the morning being chewed out by my superiors for taking the Xaviers along on a top-secret federal operation…and then spending the other half of the morning getting to the Covert CIA facility Platt was one of the leaders of, I finally get the chance to look at the place. I have never been here before (memories of other lifetimes notwithstanding) and so I take the time to look around. After my supposedly rash actions concerning Miami I have been assigned to work with the Xaviers and whoever else they manage to get to join the cause, until the situation with Shaw is resolved. It is the mission that will end with all of us somewhat stranded in a Cuban beach…hopefully in much better, or at least less bad conditions than we were in the first time around…

"Welcome to my facility." Platt announces genially. "My mission has been to investigate the application of paranormal powers in military defense."

"Or offense." Erik interrupts.

Platt and I just shrug, there is no use for a denial.

"This guy, Shaw-Schmidt, whatever you wanna call him." Platt goes on. "He's working with the Russians. We might need your help to stop him."

He is working with the Russians yes…but he is also working, or at least has been working with Americans, at least Colonel Hendry…my superiors seem to be conveniently forgetting that part. Either that or they still did not believe it…

"Marvelous." When Charles speaks then I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not. "So are we to be the CIA's new mutant division, yes?"

"Something like that." Platt nods.

The rest of the tour of the facility goes pretty much like it did the first time around, including the outing of one Hank McCoy as a mutant. It seems funny to me how Charles keeps making mistakes by reacting to things he hears through telepathy and expecting others to know already, I have never known the Professor to make those kind of mistakes…and yes, I have taken to call the present and the future version of Charles by different names, the current, 1962 one was Charles, the future one…well, the future-that-would-never-be now was the Professor. Erik and Raven were receiving the same treatment in my mind, it was the only way not to end up insane trying to conciliate such different versions of each of them! Wonder how worse things would have been if I actually had to deal with myself too! Lord, I had been so naïve, so ignorant in many ways, painful loyal to my oaths as an Agent…I did not realize how wrong it all was, even after we were fired upon on that beach. I still blamed Erik, Magneto, for what happened afterwards, blamed him until I no longer remembered. And yet, I know now the truth, both Charles and I had been incredibly naïve, too trusting for our own good; even after being betrayed by the government. A government who saw it alright to sacrifice not just one of their agents, a human, but also a group of young people, extraordinary individuals, who had just taken greater risks than even members of the black ops to stop a Nuclear War! They had effectively saved not just America, but the whole world! And then they were attacked!

I'm not going to do a 'Magneto' and say they all should die…but I now know that we have to be ready for war. And yes, once again I'm siding with the mutants…I must be insane. I do not want war, I doubt even Erik wants war, he's just more aware…no, not aware, he just accepts what deep down we all know, that whether we want war or not, we have to be ready for it. We have to be ready to protect our own…family and friends, whether they're human or mutant, we have to be ready, and willing, to fight for them.

And if Erik ever hears me agreeing with anything he has said he'll either think I'm crazy, or think that he's the one who's gone crazy…that might actually be fun to watch!

**xXx**

The first time around I wasn't present at the meeting Platt had the following morning with Charles and Erik; this time I decide I want to be there. It is part of my plan to be more involved with everything. It means having to get up way too early to drive all the way from my apartment, where I stayed after a debriefing with my superior the previous evening; but I still get there in time. It surprises me when only Platt and Charles seem to be present, particularly when Charles tells Platt to begin with just us three, but I still do not say a word.

The first half of the talk is mostly Platt giving examples of instances where it is believed mutants may have been involved through American, and sometimes European history. Eventually he begins talking about the arrangements that are being made for the 'mutant division' as Charles himself so aptly named it yesterday.

"We understand Shaw has abilities of some kind, as do those that surround him." Platt declares. "You mentioned a telepath, and we all saw the day before yesterday that man manipulating the wind…who knows wha…who else he has working for him?"

"You want to fight fire with fire." I nod, it is only logical.

"Mutant vs. mutant." Charles's brows furrow in distaste.

"Charles?" I inquire.

"I'm pacifist by nature Moira." He tells me softly. "My whole life I've been interested in finding other people with gifts, yes. But I never imagined the opportunity would come like this, through an upcoming fight…" He shakes his head sadly. "I want to help other mutants, not fight against them. Especially when I don't even know them."

"You'll still have the chance to help mutants Charles just…" I'm not sure how to say things, or even how much to say. "The kind of man Shaw is…I don't think you can help him, not when he's not interested. And about his allies…well, I don't know, there must be a reason they are with him, and you cannot force someone who doesn't want help…"

"Shaw is someone that deserves neither your help nor your compassion." A gruff voice calls unexpectedly from the side.

And there is Erik. I wonder what kept him.

"Erik! You decided to stay." Charles exclaims with a smile.

That throws me for a loop, I did not known Erik had almost left! Well, knowing his character it isn't really that surprising in retrospect, but I still did not known.

"You heard what we've been talking about?" Charles inquires, all his attention on him.

"The CIA wants to get us mutants to fight Shaw." Erik shrugs, unconcerned. "I was already planning on doing that." He turns to Platt. "Still doesn't explain what makes you think you'll have better success at finding other mutants that any of us have…Charles and Raven have known all about it for years and never met anyone but each other, I cannot say I'd met anyone before two nights ago…and you haven't known anything for sure before the last few days, even though you had one around for a while…"

"Yes well…" Platt seems a bit uncomfortable at either the coldness or the truth of Erik's words before continuing with the explanation of the plan. "Hank turned that radar installation into a transmitter." He signals to the station outside, before turning back to Charles. "It's designed to amplify brain waves, so it could enhance your telepathic powers. Help us find other mutants for our division."

"What if they don't want to be found by you?" Erik interrupts, finally moving from the door to sit beside Charles. "If a new species is being discovered, it should be by its own kind. Charles and I find the mutants. No suits."

Well, at least that explains how the two of them ended up going on their own on that particular road-trip…though not how they managed to convince my superiors the first time around…

"First of all, that's my machine out there." Platt tries to defend himself in an offended tone. "Second of all, and much more importantly, this is Charles's decision. Charles is fine with the CIA being involved. Isn't that right?"

I almost snort, as if Charles would ever side with the government against Erik…I might never understand why he does what he does, but I at least know what to expect from him on that front.

"No. I'm sorry, but I'm with Erik." The telepath declares seriously. "We'll find them alone."

"What if I say no?" Platt retorts testily.

"Then good luck using your installation without me." Charles replies evenly.

"That will not be necessary." I decide it is about time I interfered. "Agent Platt, as the official liaison with the Director, I can tell you this mission is top priority, you will act in accordance to Charles's and Erik's specifications. We are to be allies in this." I turned to the other two. "As much as I know this is a delicate job, you must also understand time is of essence. I knew already that if we found a way to do recruitment it would have to be handled by you, it's unlikely mutants will trust us agents, no matter how much we try to convince them our intentions are good. Still, we will expect you to call us regularly to know how you're doing, and to make sure you're still safe; that'll also help us be prepared for when a new recruit is coming our way. Of course we expect you to send them our way as soon as you can convince them, so we can explain the situation to them and begin working on a plan. We are also conscious that some may not want to become involved, or may be too young or too old; if they wish to be left alone then we will leave them alone…as long as they're not a risk to themselves or others."

Charles turns to look at Erik, obviously waiting to see if he has something to say about my indications on the matter. I can tell he might not be too comfortable with some of my details, but really, it's the best I can offer him, them, at least for the time being.

What they don't know is that I'll be the one handling their debriefs for the duration of the road-trip, and I have no intention of reporting the finding of any refusing mutant unless they are actually a security risk. I may still have hope for things to go well after the Missile Crisis is over this time; but I also know better than to leave that kind of information for those like Stryker to access. Like I've said before, I've chosen my side…and it's not the same as Stryker and his ilk…

Erik just nods, he probably still does not like working with the government, but they are being given as much leeway as I could possibly arrange. It had been a good idea to broach the subject with my boss yesterday evening. Now let's just hope this helps in the long run, even if it's just a little…I really need all the help I can possibly get…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of introspection and small changes to begin with. I told you Moira was one of the good guys!
> 
> In this fic (and the series) Raven will be referred to as Raven Xavier. I know her name, or at least her first alias is supposed to be Raven Darkholme, but for all intents and purposes, she is Charles's sister and will be referred to as such. (Either she was adopted or Charles used enough his power for everyone to believe she had always been there, whatever the case, she will be an Xavier).
> 
> In the next chapter, a redux of the recruitment time and the mission to Russia...some thing changes, some stay the same, and the discoveries Moira will be making in that time. Realizations.


	3. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real changes begin and Moira sees what others don't, not even those involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slash, Cherik begins here, if you have something against it you can stop reading now.

**Part Three. Realizations**

I spend the next week researching the coordinates and sometimes the names Charles has given Hank through Cerebro. Then I separate the info in several piles: one of children too young to be involved in the upcoming conflict, but that Charles might want to invite to his school, once he begins to actively make plans for that; another of those too old to be involved in the war but who, once again, Charles might be interested in; and finally a list of those older teens to adults who might be the most help. I, of course, make sure there are no copies whatsoever of the lists; even if, for the time being, I only hand Charles the last one.

Once a plan is made Charles and Erik take their leave to begin their road-trip. After a couple of denials they meet with their first acceptance and soon send her on her way. I, of course, am to receive her, and it's right before I am to leave for the station (my superiors think paying for plane tickets would call attention to our operation), that I think of something. Something that definitely didn't happen the first time, if only because I wasn't the one receiving the recruits, instead busy with those getting information on Shaw (information I already know won't come for weeks yet, so I decide to sort out my priorities differently this time).

"Hey Raven!" I call.

She's laying on one of the sofas in the sitting room of the wing assigned to her and the other mutants. A wing I had decided to live in, citing my working with them (inside me it is just one more way to, discreetly, show my allegiance). She is there, muttering what seem to be expletives in a number of languages.

"Are you still angry with Charles and Erik for leaving you behind?" I ask her with a small smile.

"I'm not a child who needs to be shielded at every turn!" She hisses, annoyed. "I could have been of help if only they had taken me along…"

"Oh Raven…it's a big brother prerogative to be over-protective with younger siblings, no matter if they are eight, eighteen, or possibly even eighty. I very much doubt Charles believes you in any way weak, he just worries about you, and that's in no way meant as an insult."

She still mutters a bit under her breath but isn't looking quite as upset as before.

"Anyway, it might even prove to be helpful for you to have stayed here." I tell her.

"Why?" She raises a brow, interested.

"Well, the first recruit is arriving in the next hour, I'm supposed to go pick her up." I explain to her. "I thought that, maybe, you could come along…"

"Did Charles put you up to this?" Raven's eyes narrow.

"No, I hadn't even thought of it until a few minutes ago." I am completely honest with her. "It's just, I think that she might be more trusting, more accepting of everything if she sees that there is someone else gifted here already, so she knows it's not only the CIA, that she doesn't need to be afraid of us…"

"Moira…"

"I'm not stupid Raven. I am a CIA Agent, we cannot be stupid. And yet…we represent the kind of thing those different that most fear…"

"You're beginning to sound like Erik."

"Don't tell him I said this, but I can understand where he's coming from, even if I don't agree with all of his beliefs."

"You think the government might turn against us?"

"I don't think so, though there might be some men, individuals, who won't accept you, the fact that there are those…more advanced than them, so to speak. In any case, right now I want your help in making the recruits feel welcome, feel safe."

"Ok."

It is obvious she still is pondering, at least in part, everything that I just said, and I know that there's a good chance I might have said too much; I never had any serious talks with Raven the first time around, in fact, we were little more than acquaintances back then, as I was more focused on Charles, and on the information the Agency got on Shaw. And yet, this time, if anything happens to me I hope that I might be able to change just enough for things to be better in the end anyway…

**xXx**

We make it to the station with time to spare. I have no trouble recognizing Angel Salvadore, though I still make a show of holding up the sign with her name and waiting for her to approach us in her own time.

"Hello, I am Angel Salvadore." She introduces herself to us.

"Hello, I am Agent Moira MacTaggert, I expect Charles and Erik told you I would be coming to get you." I introduce myself politely.

"Yes, they did." Angel then turns to Raven, whom she obviously wasn't expecting.

"My name is Raven Xavier, I'm Charles's adopted sister, pleased to meet you." Raven calls brightly, immediately moving to embrace the other girl.

At first Angel seems shocked, but she soon relaxes into the tight embrace, I know why, when embracing, Raven takes the chance to mumble in her ear 'I am like you too.' That certainly serves to reassure the woman, just like I had hoped.

"So, shall we get going?" I declare after giving them a minute or so to get comfortable.

"Sure, I'm ready." Angel nods, and she seems more confident than she was as she stepped off the bus, just a few minutes ago.

"Moira, can we get something to eat before we get back to Headquarters?" Raven asks, suddenly, as we're getting back in the car.

"I suppose so, but why?" I ask, wondering if anything is wrong.

"I hate cafeteria food." Raven mumbles petulantly.

I cannot help it, I laugh, and so does Angel. Yes, bringing Raven along was definitely a very good idea. I just hope she, and I, have as much success with the rest of the recruits…

**xXx**

I spend the rest of the summer keeping constant contact with Charles and Erik, going along with Raven to pick up any new recruits, and training with firearms and physically at least a couple of hours a day. At some point Raven begins joining me in that as well, and Angel will keep us company every so often. The girls seem particularly surprised by my persistence, to which I pointed out that if I am supposed to keep up with a bunch of gifted individuals I need to train as much as possible.

I also make sure to correct every time someone on the base calls one of the mutants a freak, or a monster, or any other insulting appellative. I am as stern and as authoritative as I can be, and while I have no way of knowing how much of a difference it makes, it is the most I can do for the time being. In any case, at least the others know I am trying to help.

Eventually Charles and Erik return. While there are more names in the list they are too far away for their recruitment to be feasible for the time being. Tensions with the Russians have grown, and the info on Shaw finally arrives, he is supposed to be in Russia, meeting with some Soviet general tomorrow. I, of course, know he won't be there, but since I have no way of explaining that, and there are things Charles and Erik need to know that I cannot tell them, I let it go. It will also be a good chance to capture one of our enemies: Emma Frost, so that too is a good reason not to try to change anything.

I can see the disappointment in Charles's and Erik's eyes at the mess we arrive to the night before we're to leave in another mission to try and catch Shaw. Those two expect so much from the young ones, and while I know that the first time around I was pretty much the same; this time I can remember their eyes after Cuba, just like I remember the eyes of so many more young ones, sometimes much too young, whose innocence was ripped from them as they were forced to become soldiers when they should have still been children…I know the time is coming when the group before me will be forced to grow up, that is something I cannot change; so I would rather they enjoy what innocence they have, while they still have it.

It isn't until we are already in Turkey, about to board the transport that will take us into Russia unnoticed, that I remember what will be happening at HQs while we are in this mission. I curse in my mind in as many languages as I know, how come I did not remember before?! If I am beginning to forget things from the other timeline it will only make things all the more dangerous not just for me, but for everyone.

In the end all I can do is place a call to HQs, placing an anonymous tip that there might be an attack tonight. I hope it will be enough, I hope it will be of some help at least, but there really isn't much more I can do. The first time around the only survivors of the attack were the young mutants; right after it happened not only they, but all of us focused on nothing but their training, and after Cuba…there were other things to think about.

We arrive to the checkpoint we had no information of just like in the other timeline; and just like then, Charles gets us through with no trouble. Then, once we've gotten through I turn to look back and I notice something I did not the first time around: Charles has his elbows on his knees, holding his face in his hands, apparently his most recent trick left him thoroughly exhausted; but that's not what calls my attention, what does is the fact that Erik is rubbing circles on his back with a tenderness I can hardly believe, a tenderness I would never believe from the man I knew in the future as Magneto…

We're staked out on a hill, waiting for Shaw to arrive, only for Charles to inform us he won't be coming, after getting the information through the mind of one of the guards at the house's doors. Like I knew he would, Erik ignores my instructions of leaving and rushes after the blonde telepath, Emma Frost. I wait silently until my partner gives the order to pull back, only for Charles to respond like I knew he would.

"I'm sorry. I can't leave him." And then he's rushing away too.

"Charles!" I call to him reflexively, though I know it to be useless.

In a manner of seconds he's rushing through the estate's grounds, doing some damage control regarding Erik's actions before hurrying inside after him.

"Now what boss?" The other agent asks me.

"We pull back, return to the truck, and wait for them." I inform him and the other soldiers. "We cannot go into that house, but we're not leaving anyone behind unless absolutely necessary either. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am!" Everyone nods.

I can only hope things will go just like the first time around and that Charles and Erik will be joining us soon. Bringing Frost with them will help keep my superiors from being too cross with them, and me.

So we wait, for what seems like so long, and yet it's not even an hour. Like expected the two men arrive pulling a quite put off Emma Frost in between them, who seems to be restrained by golden pieces of metal that I could almost swear should be part of a bed-frame…that's a thought I rather not linger on. In the end I'm distracted by something else: the look on Charles's eyes, the mix of shock and devastation in them. Yet another thing I cannot believe I did not notice the first time around. Granted, I was extremely stressed out, annoyed and more than a little angry at the stunt those two pulled; and yet, I believed myself to be more observant!

"Charles, what's wrong?" I ask him softly, worriedly.

He opens his mouth to speak a couple of times but not a single word leaves his lips.

"We need to get back to HQs, now." Erik orders coldly. "Charles saw where Shaw and his other henchmen are…attacking the base."

That immediately gets everyone moving. We get back on the truck, but an instinct inside me tells me that there's something else going on. I wait until we're past the checkpoint once again and then I'm looking into the back of the truck.

"Charles?" I call softly. "There's something else wrong, isn't there?"

I hear Frost snort but the slight tightening of a thin but sturdy piece of metal around her neck seems to be enough to quiet her.

"Shaw's plan…it's much worse that I…than we had anticipated…" Charles tells me.

I realize it then: whatever Shaw's planning exactly, to and beyond the threat of Nuclear War, he's seen it, and it's bad…it's very, very bad. Not for the first time I cannot help but feel a great compassion for him, being a telepath can be such a torture, and with someone as gentle, as good as Charles…it must be even worse.

**xXx**

We get back to Headquarters to find the destruction I was already expecting, however, there seem to be more agents around than there were the first time around. I reach Simmons, he's an agent a number of years older than I, has been with the CIA for quite a time and yet, for some reason, he hasn't been granted senior agent status; I don't know how he ended up as part of this group either, but I do know he's among the ones who insults the young mutants the most. I really do not like what he tells me.

Turns out they were more alert than the first time around when the attack came. And yet, rather than standing and fighting…most of them chose to ran away. Platt is dead, as are all of those who stayed and fought back, either as part of their duty, or to actually try and help the young adults under their care. And in the end, Darwin still died, and Angel left with Shaw and his henchmen.

I want to curse, to scream, to hit something; I tried, as much as I could without revealing myself, without putting too much at risk. And it was all for nothing! Well no, not nothing, some people are alive who weren't the first time around; and yet, I still wasn't able to make a difference with those I wanted the most to: Platt, Darwin, Angel…

Suddenly I realize a negative side to the difference in my actions. Last time, when Angel left, it was just a difficulty among many to the mission, this time…this time it's a friend who I've lost. Darwin as well. I may not have been as close to him as I was…am to the girls, but still much more than I was the first time around. It frustrates me, so much I barely remember to keep my shields up, least Charles pick up on something he shouldn't…on the other hand, he's so focused on keeping Erik calm, who's livid for those who ran rather than try and help the young ones, and worrying about his sister; I seriously doubt he's paying much, if any, attention to me.

Eventually I pull Charles, and Erik, away from Simmons, before even Charles snaps and either of them, or even all three of us end up attacking the idiotic, self-centered, racist bastard…

We finally get to where the youngsters are, sitting on pieces of rubble, out of the way of the agents moving around, trying to get things in order, throwing either confused, pitying, or what's worse, dark looks at them every once in a while.

"Raven!" Charles calls, rushing to embrace her.

I know he must be relieved to see she's alright, and I find myself feeling the very same thing, even though I had known, for the most part, she would be alright, it's just so good to see it with my own eyes, to see Raven, who in such a short time has become my best friend, see that she's alright, despite the horror she's had to live through.

"We've made arrangements for you to be taken home immediately." Charles announces without further ado.

"We're not going home." Surprisingly the one to interrupt him is Sean.

"What?" Charles obviously wasn't expecting that either.

"He's not going back to prison." Sean clarifies, signaling to Alex.

It was true, the young man had been in prison, presumably for murdering the men who had abducted his sister…they had released him into CIA custody for our missions.

"They killed Darwin." Alex mutters angrily.

"All the more reason for you to leave." Charles insists. "This is over."

It's obvious the situation has hit him especially hard, I cannot even begin to imagine; after all, he and Erik were the ones to bring Darwin to us; what's more, it was Charles who even found him in the first place. And now Darwin's dead…

"Darwin's dead, Charles." Raven states, as if we need a reminder. "And we can't even bury him."

"We can avenge him." Erik's statement freezes everyone in place.

I see Charles ask Erik for a quite word, but before I can try and listen in (something I did the first time around anyway), Raven is in my arms, holding me tightly, and I cannot help but answer the gesture with equal strength.

"Oh Moira!" She sobs into my blouse, crying like she didn't cry when with her brother. "Darwin! It's all so awful…"

"I know Raven, I know…" I whisper back, caressing her hair.

The original Moira might have been rather innocent for an Agent, but I…I have seen death, and I have seen and experienced grief, I'm no stranger to what Raven's going through in this moment; though I certainly regret her having to go through it at all…she's still so incredibly young, so innocent…no, not anymore, Shaw saw to that. Shaw took away Raven's innocence, as well as Sean's, Alex's and Hank's, along with Darwin's life and Angel's loyalty…

"I cannot believe this is happening…" Raven sobs.

And while a part of my mind may have known already it would be happening, my heart is in the same state of disbelief as she.

"Shaw has his army." Erik's hard voice calls my attention. "We need ours."

For a second I have to wonder if this time around it took longer for Erik and Charles to have their 'private' discussion, or if I've spent less time with Raven in my arms than I think I have.

"We'll have to train." Charles declares, absolute seriousness in his voice, as he addresses every single one of us. "All of us. Yes?"

"Yeah." There's no hesitation in any of them.

I'm a bit surprised that he seems to be including me, despite the fact that I am no mutant, I can just briefly wonder if it's because of how I've tried to be a more active part of everything. In any case, I have to believe it's a good thing.

"We can't stay here." Hank points out shyly. "Even if they re-opened the department, it's not safe. We've got nowhere to go."

"Yes we do." Charles corrects, a strange look in his eyes.

**xXx**

We leave the next morning. On Erik's insistence (citing security reasons), I request a truck and we leave on our own, no escort, no aid, no nothing. I do not tell him, but I completely agree with him, if we're going to keep all of them, and the future school safe, even after Cuba, the less people who know where they've gone, the better.

As we step off the truck I cannot help but think that the mansion looks somehow more amazing, more majestic than it did the first time around. Maybe it's because I'm seeing not only what is right before me, but what I know will be, years from now; not just the buildings, but the people, what this place will represent…I can see, in my mind's eye, what for Charles is just the ghost of a dream at this time…

"This is yours?" I hear Sean gasp near the edge of our group.

And really, they are all gasping and staring wide-eyed, I'm pretty sure I am as well, previous knowledge of the place be damned.

"No." Charles replies in a tone that makes obvious this is a momentous occasion for him, in more ways than any of us can comprehend. "It's ours."

I think this might be were his dream was…is born.

"Honestly Charles, I don't know how you survived." Erik states with a mix of light humor and heavy sarcasm. "Living in such hardship…"

"Well, it was a hardship softened by me." Raven states playfully as she clings to Charles playfully. "Come on, time for the tour."

She and Charles lead the rest of us through the mansion, pointing out the important places: kitchen, living room, several sitting rooms, bathrooms, gym, library, bedrooms. I get assigned a bedroom that shares a bathroom with Raven, as she wants me close, we've become good friends in the last couple of months. Charles and Erik are in other rooms down the hall, while Alex, Hank and Sean choose to take rooms a floor down (the rest of us are on the third floor).

I cannot help the melancholy as I walk through the mansion, remembering not only my time far in the future (my recent past) there with Ororo and the refugees; but the distant past, the upcoming week, the times I had long forgotten. I know back then I wasn't around much, still so focused on reporting every so often with the closest CIA offices, checking to try and find more information on Shaw, the Russians, the threat of Nuclear War…I tried so hard to be everywhere, doing everything at the same time. This time around…it's different. I have other priorities: I want to train, bond some more with Raven, and maybe the guys, try and help Charles and Erik see each other's point of view. I will be staying in the mansion, I will get the chance of making more memories…which I know I will ultimately loose…

After these weeks, I finally understand, why Charles erased my memory of the time at the manor, of their training, of our team…it was for them…and for me. Because no matter how much I may have sworn I would never betray them, it may not have been up to me in the end, a telepath could have ripped those memories from me without my consent; and who knows if I might have been truly able to stand the torture others might have put me through to get all that intel…at this point I still want to believe that those 'others' are mercenaries, terrorists, foreigners…but a part of me, the part that has lived through years of persecution…national, military, government-approved persecution and civil war…that part knows there is a chance that those trying to get the information out of me would be my own superiors, or their own superiors…

So, I understand why Charles had taken, or at least sealed, those memories the first time around; and I am quite ready for it to happen this time around too. I just hope I'll manage to make things better beforehand… in any case, Charles, if you happen to read my memories before you wipe my mind this time around, it's okay, I know why you're doing this, and I'm alright with it.

So I will enjoy my time this week with my dear friends, my second family…and then I will let go. Move on with my life, with no mutants, no friends, no CIA and no memories; and hope to god I will not end up fifty years from now sitting in some awful old bunker, waiting to be sent to the past to prevent Earth's Armageddon…

**xXx**

Charles insists we rest for that first day. We are all exhausted, the children still more than a little traumatized because of recent events, and we all need to get used to our new surroundings. It is easier to agree with him than try to insist on beginning training right away.

After we all share dinner together we go our separate ways. Hank is working on updating the lab Charles informed him existed already in the basement (apparently his father was a scientist), Sean is exploring some more the different rooms of the mansion, while Alex prefers to take a walk, breath some fresh air, Charles and Erik are in the study, with some wine and a game of chess; Raven and I are having some girl-time in her room.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you're here." She tells me with an honest smile. "After Angel left…well, I have told you before that you're one of my first friends, certainly my first girl-friend ever, and the very best."

"Thank you Raven, and the sentiment is the same the other way around." I assure her. "You know, it's not easy, being a woman at the CIA…despite all the attempts at a feminist movement all around the country…I guess government agencies are still a male-dominated place, and they can be pretty misogynistic too! Thinking I cannot be as good as other agents just before I am a woman. When I was first sent on that assignment to track down Shaw, I wasn't even the one in charge, my partner was the one who called the shots. He didn't have as much experience as I, or even been an Agent as long as I, but he was a man, therefore believed more capable. Then…"

"Then you found Shaw, and they didn't believe you." She finishes, knowing that part already.

"Granted, I couldn't quite believe it myself when I saw it…" I accept with some reticence. "But even after I went all the way to Oxford to track down your brother, they refused to believe me!"

"Until I showed them my own magic trick."

"And what a magic trick it was. Platt certainly was impressed, and I hardly ever saw him being impressed by anything…"

I have to stop, when a part of my mind consciously reminds me I won't see Platt being impressed ever again, because he is dead.

"He tried to protect us, you know?" Raven says quietly. "When Shaw and the others arrived, he tried to get us out, but that red-mutant, one that looks like a devil, took him and threw him through the air." She's beginning to cry. "He died because he wanted to protect us! To help us! So many others ran for their lives, some I even heard were offering to give us up if they were allowed to live…even with those who did not, they wouldn't allow us to even try to help. I have no idea what we could have done, but we just wanted to help, and they wouldn't let us, and then the very few who did try to help us were murdered and…"

She is ranting by then, it is obvious how much recent events have affected her. And either this is yet something else I failed to see the first time around, or the fact that they were somewhat warned of the attack this time, the fact that some of them at least tried to help the young mutants, has affected them, Raven, even more…

I do not know, and right now I don't think it's really that important, all I can do is embrace my friend, and hope this will give her some measure of comfort, help her move on. I say not a word, I've never been good at those, and really, what good would words do now? It's not like I can promise her it was worth it, though I hope it is; not like I can promise her it'll never happen again, because more likely than not it will. In the end, I can only try to help her move on, help her be ready to face the next challenge, try to make sure she won't suffer as much the next time, and the next, and the next…in the end, life is a cycle of challenges, coming one after the other… only stopping with death. Not all challenges happen to be bad, and some can bring much good, but still, it won't end until we die…which I certainly hope won't be coming for some time yet. After all, challenges or not, there is much in life to enjoy, and I plan to do so for as long as I can!

After a while crying Raven falls asleep, reverting into her natural blue form once her focus on her blonde façade is gone. I already knew it would happen, so it does not affect me. Instead I take care to tuck her in, feeling briefly as if she were my sister, a thought I cannot help but relish, as impossible as I know it is.

I do not know how late it might be, though I know that, being a night owl, Charles is most likely still up, I want to talk to him, so much has happened recently, and I want to suggest to him the possibility of him and maybe Erik having a talk with the boys so they might unburden themselves regarding the attack at HQs, I know they are not likely to want to talk about their feelings in front of me, or Raven; but it is important that they talk about it with someone, and who better than Charles and Erik, whom they already respect and see up to?

That's another thing I find myself in conflict with. I know how much the X-Men have always looked up to the professor, and this first generation really is no exception. When I first noticed the looks of awe and respect Erik himself directed to Charles it only seemed to reinforce that idea. And yet…right now the children are looking at Erik pretty much the same way they look at Charles; like the two, rather than just one, are their mentors, their leaders. I've always known Erik has it in himself to be a leader, the Brotherhood wouldn't be (have been) such a threat if they weren't so loyal to Magneto, and yet it never occurred to me that this first group might have seen him with those same eyes…

I realize it then, this is how things are meant to be. Charles and Erik are meant to be partners, together leading the mutants, protecting them from humans, and even other mutants who may wish them harm, while at the same time educating the world on our differences, and most importantly, our similarities…

That thought is still on my mind, filling my consciousness to a point where I forget to knock or call at all before I open the door to the study; however, before I can open it fully my instinct reacts enough to make me stop, stop and see, something I wasn't expecting: not only is Charles still up, but Erik too. They're sitting on wing-armed chairs before the fireplace, a table holding a chess game between them. Each of them holding half-filled glasses of red-wine, and while a good deal of their attention seems to be fixed on the still ongoing game of chess, every so often they will steal looks at each other, fast but deep, as if not wanting to be noticed by the other.

Charles is so focused on the game, and Erik, that he hasn't even noticed my presence; neither has Erik, though the mix of his paranoia and past experience should have made him notice me before I even opened the door. And yet even as I continue standing there, looking at them through the half-opened door, they do not notice me.

Suddenly, as I catch the next set of stolen glances at each other, I become aware of something else, something I truly, truly cannot believe I never noticed before, in this life, or the last. Because it's suddenly so obvious…I can see it all so clearly now: The reason why it took so many years for the Brotherhood and the X-Men to actually be seen as enemies, despite the fact that they'd been on separate paths for decades; why regardless of everything that may happen between their groups, Magneto and the Professor just don't seem to be able to take each other down; why even on that accursed day in Cuba, even as they spoke about going their separate ways, they kept holding onto each other to the very end…they are meant to be partners, truly and absolutely; not just as leaders, as mentors, not just for mutants, or for the rest of the world, but also for each other.

I realize it now, The Professor and Magneto…no, Charles and Erik, they are meant for each other…they're in love with each other, they've always been…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing ever so slowly. I hope you like what I'm doing thus far. I didn't want to rewrite the whole movie, but I wanted to show the kind of small changes Moira's making, as well as the things that were supposed to be there the first time around too, she just didn't see them then. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Cuba!!! For Better or For Worse


	4. For Better or For Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuba is Here! 
> 
> Moira is still trying as hard as she can, but she's running out of time, and unless there's some kind of miracle she might not be able to change anything! 
> 
> Also, she never actually planned on what to do if she was found out...Oopps...

**Part Four. For Better or Worse**

Seven days later I'm in one of the sitting rooms, standing at a window, watching in quiet, awed silence as Erik moves a huge metal satellite to face the mansion. That thing is huge, it's the same one Sean was pretty much pushed off a couple of days ago, when he learnt to fly.

The first time around I could only think about how harsh, how cruel Erik was, doing something like that to the teen when he was terrified, when he'd already fallen from the second floor once and almost broke an arm and a leg the first time he tried to learn to fly. Now…now I can see that he did what needed to be done, someone needed to push Sean when he hesitated, and Charles was too kind hearted to be the one to do it. Erik and Charles are so different, almost complete opposites, and yet, that's exactly why they fit each other so perfectly, and why I know that together they can and will change the world.

"Moira!" I hear Raven behind me.

I know what's going on though, while lost watching the two bellow me I had managed to forget for a handful of minutes. Still, that does not stop me from calling to them. I'm sorry to cut their moment short, but they do need to be present for what's coming.

"Charles! Erik!" I yell to them, sticking my head out the window. "The president is about to make his address!"

The two arrive soon enough, along with the rest of the missing members of our group, right in time to hear the president's speech. It's the second time I've heard it, and while I may not remember the exact words I do know the gist of it already: the embargo line, the missiles, Cuba, the Russians, the Americans…and it will all come to a head tomorrow…

"That's where we're gonna find Shaw." Erik announces abruptly.

"How do you know?" Alex inquires.

It's quite obvious his thoughts are more-or-less similar, but he still wants to know what's making Erik reach that conclusion. However, it's not the metal-kinetic who answers him.

"Two super powers facing off, and he wants to start World War III." Charles summarizes in a rather deadpan tone. "He won't leave anything to chance."

"So much for diplomacy." Erik snorts.

"We've known it was going to come to this eventually." I cannot help but point out.

Indeed we had, even before Charles's interrogation of Frost; ever since the tensions between Russians and Americans had begun, it had been obvious just how bad it was probably going to get; we just hadn't known the specifics back then.

"Regardless, the wait has come to an end." Erik shrugs before turning to the younger mutants. "I suggest you all get a good night's sleep."

I wonder if he will be sleeping at all, I'm not quite sure if I will be able to even close my eyes at all…the mere thought of how wrong things might go tomorrow.

I spent the whole week trying, and trying to change things and yet…I just do not know how. I tried talking to Charles, yet I was always so nervous, trying to keep the shields surrounding my past/future memories in place that I kept forgetting most of what I wanted to say to him. And with Erik…every time I so much as tried to approach him he would send me this dark looks, like he doesn't believe I belong there, with them…and maybe I don't, as much as it may pain me to admit, I will never truly be one of them, I know that, I accept it, but I'll be damned if I don't do my best to make sure that, when I finally do have to go, they are in a better place than they were the first time I had to leave them…

Though I still have no idea how the hell I'm going to manage that.

**xXx**

The next morning, right as we're splitting up to suit-up, and what I shock I get to find out there's a suit for me too this time around, with space for my guns, and an assortment of other weapons, including a short knife in the small of my back; I go after Erik, wanting a word with him.

"What do you want MacTaggert?" He asks, seeing me standing beside his door right as he's about to go into the room.

"Look, I know you do not like me." I tell him right out, as I know he values honesty above all else. "I do not know if it's because I'm a woman, an agent, or a human; it's not like it really matters in the end."

"Then why are you talking to me?" He insists.

"I'm not here to talk about me." I reply. "What's going to be happening in Cuba…Look, I know you want to kill Shaw…"

"If you think you have any chance of changing my mind, I honestly don't know who you think you are and…"

"I know I don't stand a chance of doing that, not when Charles already failed. And really, to be perfectly honest, I do not know if I would try, even if I could."

That surprises him.

"Shaw…" I'm not quite sure how to say what I'm thinking. "I may not know everything he has done, to you, and to others, but I know he's evil, possibly the most evil individual I've ever known…someone like that, he does not deserve to live. I understand that."

"Wish Charles did."

His admittance surprises me, but I do not let it show, I know I need to make a point soon, before he loses interest in our conversation.

"Well, Charles is a pacifist, and I understand that as well. Though I'm more of the 'Wish for Peace, Prepare for War', philosophy."

"Does this talk have a point?"

"Yes. I know you're going to kill Shaw, no matter what, no matter who. We both also know Charles, despite his misgivings, will probably do all he can to help you. I just want you to consider how much you're willing to lose, to sacrifice, to get your revenge…"

"I'm not afraid to die…"

"Oh, I know that. It's not your life I'm worried about, but Charles's."

"What are you talking about now woman?"

"Whatever Charles does to help you, it'll be mental, have you considered the price he will have to pay, whatever it is he ends up doing to help you?"

Silence is my answer, and I hope he's actually considering my words; while I may not know exactly what happened the first time around, concerning Shaw; Charles's screams still echo in my memory and I know that, whatever it is that happened, it cannot have been good.

"I know you do not care about me, or even about yourself…but I hope you care about Charles."

"You know…" He begins, stopping when he reconsiders what he was beginning to say.

"I do." I nod.

I may not admit to all I know, but it's obvious to him that I do know something, it seems to surprise him, my knowledge and probably my lack of negative reaction to him. To be honest, I do not know if it is because I'm never been one to abide by standards (whether it is in genders, who one should love, do or anything else), the fact that I'm so used to working with those most would reject anyway, that in the future such a relationship was accepted (at least for the most part), or just that I'm such a great believer that love is love, no matter who it is from or to…

"Moira…" He calls suddenly

His use of my first name surprises me, enough to call my absolute attention.

"I do not think any less of you, not really." He tells me unexpectedly. "I'm no misogynist, and I certainly would not dishonor my mother by thinking less of you for being a woman. I would be a liar if I said anything concerning the human or Agent parts, but you must know as well as I the likelihood of the government, of the humans as a whole, turning against us, you just…seem to be an exception to the rule, on both cases."

I nod seriously, accepting the compliment in the spirit it is being made.

"You know, last night I told Charles he was being naïve, believing the government won't turn against us because they're all like you…I meant it."

"Thank you." I nod again.

"He says I think humans are all like Shaw…"

I want to point out that Shaw isn't really human, something we've known at least since the attack on the Compound, but that's not really important right now, so I choose not to go there, instead, I focus on another detail, hoping I'm not going too far.

"I do not know about being like Shaw." I say softly. "Though I do know there is good, and evil, in all, humans and mutants alike. While there is a chance there will be humans like Shaw, who will go against u…against you; I also believe there will be others who will accept you, like I do."

"Maybe, maybe not, I'm not sure I'm willing to take that risk."

I sigh, even though I was already expecting an answer like that, I hadn't been able to keep myself from hoping…

"Now, if that is all…" He declared, moving to enter his room, finally.

"Just one more thing." This time I'm really throwing caution to the wind, but after the absolutely unbelievable conversation we've already had, I cannot help but want to try to push one last time. "Whatever you do today…please, do not turn into Shaw…"

"What do you care who I turn into?" He almost snaps at me.

"Whether you would believe it or not, I consider you my friend, Erik." I assure him. "And I know Charles does as well."

Erik just grumbles, muttering something in German under his breath, I cannot understand what.

"Just think, if you end up turning into Shaw then, whether he lives or dies in the end, he wins. I don't think you will want that…" I insist softly one last time. "I sure know we don't."

He grunts once more, saying not a word before practically stalking into his room, closing his door with a loud bang. I just sigh, praying to all saints, angels and spirits I did not somehow end up making things worse; that somehow, by some kind of miracle, I might have helped, if just a little bit, make things a better…

**xXx**

The first part of the mission goes very much like it did the first time around, what with us all twirling around crazily in Hank's experimental plane, Charles controlling someone in the Russian fleet to take down the ship about to cross the embargo line, Hank having to make us spin some more to avoid the unexpected missile, Sean turning himself into a human sonar when none of the blackbird's machines can detect Shaw's submarine, Erik displaying his newfound control and level of power by pulling said submarine out of the water, and then all of us crash-landing on the thrice-damned beach in Cuba. Oh…and let's not forget Erik and Charles nearly getting themselves killed in the process due to not being strapped in as we crash-land…

Yep, exactly as the first time around.

"Moira? Moira are you alright?"

I blink a couple of times, shaking my head slightly to remind myself where I am and why it's very important that I focus. I'm hanging upside down, which isn't really that surprising, what does is Charles standing right in front of me, worried.

"Yeah, yeah I'm alright." I hurry to reassure him.

With his help I'm able to undo the straps of my seat and half turn to land on a half-crouch, I'm so very thankful for my recent training (the first time around I hit my leg even with Charles's help).

Once the shock passes the rest of the members of our team release themselves from their places, taking looks out before turning to Charles and Erik in turn, waiting to see who will issue orders. In the end, it's Charles who does.

"I read the teleporter's mind." He informs us. "Shaw's storing all the power of the sub. He's turning himself into some kind of nuclear bomb."

"We've got no time." I declare, almost not noticing that I am actually speaking. "The radar is going out of control."

"This is what we're going to do." Charles states, going completely into leader-mode. "Moira, get the radio to work, tell them to take both fleets and leave immediately."

"I'm going in." Erik doesn't wait to be given a task.

"Beast, Havok, back him up." Charles nods, knowing already it was coming. "Erik, I can guide you through once you're in but I need you to shut down whatever it is that's blocking me." He sighs before adding. "Then we just have to get to Shaw and hope that we can stop him…"

I blink a bit at the last part, had Charles really been that insecure of his own powers back when? It just seems so strange…and I can tell all the spinning and crash-landing have left me a bit worse for wear, and my shields, for Charles suddenly throws a look my way that shows he's heard something in my mind…Shit! Now's so not the time!

"Good luck." He calls in Erik's direction, though with an eye still on me. "Raven stop."

"I'm going to help." Raven spits in an almost petulant tone.

"We don't have time for this." Charles finally turns to look at her. "I need you here Raven. If I'm going to do this, I'll have to be fully focused in what's happening inside that sub, and not my own surroundings. I need to know that if anything happens here, if anything comes through that entrance, it'll be taken care of."

It's a much more elaborate order than he gave her the first time around, but it somehow seems to calm Raven down. I wonder briefly what's made him be so detailed now…until the look his throws at me confirms that, yes, he's read something in my mind; which means that if we weren't in the middle of this mess right now I would be screwed already, as it is, I'm quite sure I'll be more that screwed when all is said and done.

*Can I trust you Moira?* His voice in my mind surprises me more than it should, it's obvious he doesn't want to call attention to us, to his own suspicions.

*I swear to you…* I try to convey as much honesty as I can in a few words.

*You've been lying to us all this time.* He points out almost coldly.

*If there's something I've never lied about is that I'm on your side. And this is not about humans or mutants or whatever, I'm on your side Charles…I promise.*

*You're still hiding things from me, behind that mental shield of yours.*

*Yes.* What's the point of trying to deny that? *And I swear I will tell you everything once this is over, but you really do not need the distraction now. Please, Erik needs you, he needs you to be there for him a 100%, and you cannot do that if you're focusing on me.*

*We will be having a serious talk once this is all over.* That's not a suggestion, it's an order.

*Yes.* I concede submissively.

*Get the radio.* He reminds me.

Soon enough his attention is back to Erik and I'm working hard to make the radio work, I know the chances of what I'm going to do working, but I cannot not try…I just hope his knowledge of my shields won't end up distracting Charles too much. It's just what we need, really, for things to go to hell, to end up possibly worse than the first time around, Because of me! I could never forgive myself if that happened.

"Hello!" I begin screaming into the radio the moment it's on, forgetting what I'm supposed to say for a few seconds.

"Moira, calm down." Charles tells me, in a softer voice than I could have expected from him after what's just been revealed. "Focus."

"Yes, sorry." I nod, before turning back to the radio, speaking more calmly. "Fleet Commander, this is Delta, Seven, Alpha, Zero. We believe Shaw is trying to detonate some kind of bomb. Pull back from the beach…I repeat, there is a threat of bomb, pull back!"

I only half hear Charles as he directs Erik through the sub, to turn off the nuclear reactor, and other things like that; I don't know why he's speaking out loud, but at least it helps me have some idea of what's going on, even as I keep moving through frequencies, repeating the same statement over and over, hoping somehow someone will hear me and actually listen to what's being said. I don't hold much hope for it, but still, it's better than just sitting here, doing nothing. The wait for something to happen is driving me crazy, and then…

"Erik? Erik?" I hear Charles call, his anxiety mounting by the second. "He's gone."

"What?" For a second I have a hard time processing what he just said, until it dawns on me.

"He's gone into the void." He elaborates. "I can't communicate with him there."

For a moment there is silence, Raven is on the other side of the wreckage, keeping an eye on the battle between the rest of our team and Shaw's followers; and suddenly Charles's head snaps back in my direction, as he seems to realize something.

"You know something of what's going on." It's not a question.

"I do." What's the point of lying right now?

"Where is Erik?" He almost demands of me.

"I do not know…" I admit quietly.

*Moira!* His scream practically reverberates in my mind.

It's a miracle that he's not already tearing at my shield, forcing me to submit to him, to reveal everything I know. Yes, I know he's not the kind to force himself on others, but this being Erik… it still surprises me that he can be so restrained.

*I cannot tell you how I know what I know, the explanation is too complicated and we don't have the time.* I project at him as best I can. *I can tell you Erik's with Shaw, which you already know, that'll you be hearing him again soon. Even what little I know, there's a lot I do not understand, I never did. I'm afraid there's very little I can do at this point.*

*You talk as if you've done something before…*

*I've tried…*

Right then his connection with Erik reasserts itself, it's obvious in the way his eyes light up even before he begins talking, out loud, once again.

"He's back!" He exclaims. "Erik, whatever you're doing, keep doing it. It's starting to work." Silence for a few seconds and then he speaks again. "It's working! I'm starting to see him but I can't yet touch his mind."

"It's because of the helmet he's wearing." I cannot help but tell him.

In an instant Charles is before me, eyes boring into mine, silently demanding any and all information I might have that may be of help.

"He wears a helmet, and that's what's blocking you." I clarify. "I do not know why, or how."

"And you cannot, or will not, explain how you know that either." He guesses.

"Not right now." I nod. "Once this is all over, I'll tell you, show you even, all you want."

He nods, it's obvious he doesn't like it, but there are more important things at stake here.

"Charles." I call to him, quietly but very seriously, I don't dare use mind-speech, as I do not want to distract him from Erik. "I know you have no reason to trust me, but I just want you to consider something. We both know Erik's going to kill Shaw…"

"Maybe, maybe not." Charles interrupts. "He has it in him to be the better man."

"I don't really like sounding like him, but he already is." I correct Charles. "Or he will be, once he realizes that this is all about more than revenge. Once he begins acting more for the future than for the past, for protecting rather than revenge."

It's obvious that the telepath just does not know how to reply to that.

"Charles, just think about it, you've seen what Shaw's capable of, I know you have!" I decide to stop holding back, what's the point when he already knows I'm hiding something? "Do you really want that kind of man…no, not man, that kind of monster anywhere around Erik, around your children?"

I wonder if he picks up on the double entendre of the last past of my statement, though honestly I didn't until the words had already left my mouth. In the end, I know Shaw will be killed, needs to be killed, I just don't want Charles to suffer over it as much as he did the first time around.

I hear my friend let out a sound that seems like a mix of a gasp and a groan. I am about to ask him if he's okay, when I remember how he didn't want me distracting him the first time around, so I stay quiet. Finally giving up on the radio and hovering beside him, praying to all the saints and the angels that I won't have to watch him fall apart for a second time.

"Oh God…" He gasps in obvious exhaustion. "I can only hold this man for so long…"

Those words, more than anything else, bring my mind crashing straight to one of the two most painful part of my memories of this day.

" _Erik please, be the better man…Erik there will be no turning back! No…." He's moaning, practically crying, and I do not know why._

" _Charles…" I call, I want to help, but do not know how…_

" _Don't do this Erik!" He yells to the empty air before him, hitting the side of the plane in a mix of fury and helplessness, and then he's begging. "No…please Erik, no…please Erik…"_

_What follows is the most blood-curling, heart-stopping soul-tearing scream I've heard in my whole life. There's just so much despair, like the world is ending somehow…and maybe, in a way, it is. And there's nothing I can do, nothing but watch my best friend, the best man I've ever know, fall into pieces in front of me…_

"Erik please, you are the better man…"

Those words, so similar yet so different from the ones in my memories are enough to pull me abruptly, almost painfully, from them.

Then Charles is muttering something under his breath, something I know I'm not meant to hear, so I do not even try. Then he's moaning, pressing a fist against his temple, and I wait for him to begin pleading and screaming, only he doesn't; instead he's gasping, there are tears falling silently down his eyes, and yet he's smiling, it's a small smile, but it is there, I can see it.

It is in that moment that I notice the look he's directing at me, I know what it means. He's seen my memory, he's seen it, but he does not understand.

"I promise I will explain, later." I assure him quietly, still more than a bit confused myself. "When this is all over."

"Shaw is dead." Charles answers my unasked question. "I…I tried to incapacitate him, managed to do it in fact but then…" he shakes his head and sighs. "Erik had to kill him. He…there really was no other way."

I nod, I may not know all the details, but I always knew Shaw had to be killed, he's just too much of a threat alive… And it's good to see Charles is at least beginning to accept that same thing.

"You will be explaining things Moira." Charles states in the most serious tone I've ever heard from him. "To both Erik and I."

"I promise." I nod. "Now we need to get out. As much as I may hate to say this, it really isn't over just yet…"

It's obvious Charles doesn't quite understand what I'm talking about. To be honest, I'm praying to all deities in existence that it might be different this time. That the fact that not everyone died that night in the attack to the CIA might make the government more merciful, though the more realistic, the more experienced part of me knows there's no way such a thing will happen. Their decision was made long ago, probably since the very first moment they came in contact with a mutant…from the very first moment they met Charles…when I brought him to their attention… Oh Lord…what a way to realize this is my fault!

I'm interrupted from my rather egocentric, somewhat self-loathing line of thought by Erik's emergence through a hole on the sub, right across from the stretch of beach that separates the wrecks of each of our transports. The metal-kinetic lets Shaw's corpse drop unceremoniously on the sand and I only half notice the blood that's coming from his nose and…where's the blood that should be in his forehead? The point that marks where Erik killed him?

Charles turns to look at me and I can make out how he discreetly shakes his head in my direction before making a somewhat vague motion to his chest…it takes me a few seconds to get it, but soon enough I do. So Erik didn't kill Shaw the same way this time? Why? What happened that made things different? Was Charles's slight change in wording really that pivotal? Or something else? Maybe whatever Charles was mumbling afterwards? Are things really changing?

"It's time for this senseless fighting to stop!" I hear Erik call loudly.

It's somewhat different from the speech he used the first time around, though still quite strong, and compelling (I can admit to that, even if I'm not a mutant).

"Shaw has been stopped, a senseless war has been averted, and how are we rewarded? By the humans turning against us all." The German says harshly. "I feel their guns moving in the water. Their metal, targeting us. Americans, Soviets, humans. United in their fear of the unknown." He snorts. "It's how it was always going to turn out, mutants versus humans." He turns to his friend. "Go ahead Charles, tell me I'm wrong."

I feel my heart plummet as I see Charles's eyes widening, the look of utter betrayal on his face (a look I had hoped I wouldn't have to see this time around). Charles turns to me but I cannot look at him, instead turning to look at my feet.

*Moira…* I hear his voice, almost pleading inside my mind.

It hurts, to have to tell him this, even though, deep down, he already knows it.

"It's useless Charles." I say softly, painfully. "I've tried establishing communication ever since we crashed. The radio is working, they're just not answering…they do not care."

"They've abandoned us, abandoned you here…" Erik states, and I can almost swear there's a hint of compassion in his voice.

"I'm just one person…" I mutter bitterly.

"And we're not even that." Erik finishes for me.

I flinch, as much as I do not want to. It hurts, even though a part of me had known all along this time was coming. It hurts…not the fact that I'm being put on the same level as the rest of them, because as far as I'm concerned that's an honor…no, the fact that they can so easily…dispose of us all, like we're nothing…like we're not human.

I can sense Charles suddenly in the back of my mind, trying to comfort me after what he's obviously perceived in my mind.

*It's okay Charles…* I project to his mind.

*No, it's not.* He replies.

*Ok, it's not.* I agree with a sad smile and a long sigh. *Don't take me wrong, I think it's an honor to be considered as part of this group. I just…I cannot believe someone…people I have had the greatest respect for, can care so little for the lives of others. Not just mine, but yours as well… It's not fair…*

He doesn't reply, it's okay, I wasn't really expecting him to.

The ships fire, I follow them with my eyes, waiting for the moment when they will stop, and they do, just like the first time. And just like the first time, they ever so slowly spin around, pointing in the opposite direction.

Only they don't move, not immediately at least. And as I turn to the side I finally notice something I cannot believe I overlooked at first: Erik is not wearing the helmet, not at all. And in that moment he and Charles are standing, face to face, looking at each other with an intensity that makes it obvious they're having a conversation the rest of us aren't privy to; even as the metal kinetic continues holding the missiles in the air.

Eventually it comes, the moment I've been waiting for, as the missiles begin to move, in the direction they came from. Slower than before, but they're still moving. I do not understand why Charles isn't trying to stop him, why he isn't even saying a word to him; it's just not like him!

I'm not fully aware of myself even as I grab my gun, taking off the safe and beginning to raise it; it's until I begin to aim, that I realize what exactly I am doing, and I'm completely horrified.

For an excruciatingly long second Erik turns to look straight at me, eyebrow raised, waiting for me to make up my mind. I can almost hear his voice asking the question I'm asking myself:

_Will you be like the rest of them? Fearing us, attacking us for no good reason? Will you really fire that gun and prove me right?_

I close my eyes tightly, before putting the safe back on and letting the gun drop from between my fingers. I'm not doing this, no, no way. I'm not making the same mistake again!

"You haven't answered my question yet Charles." Erik calls, and it seems like the continuation of some long conversation.

No one else is moving, especially not the children, seemingly completely staggered by the stand-off between us. And I…I can only close my eyes, and wait for whatever may come next.

"Yes Erik, I trust you." Charles answers after what seems like forever.

The missiles shoot across the air, coming closer and closer to the ships, we all watch with baited breath and…a handful of feet before reaching their target, they all explode in sequence.

I let out a gasp, then take a deep breath, only now realizing I stopped breathing at some point. It takes me a few seconds but I realize what he's done. He's sent a warning: do not mess with us. Not sure how effective it'll be, but at least no one's dead, that's certainly an improvement considering the many awful ways things could have gone today.

Sean, Hank, Alex and Raven begin celebrating then, once the risk has passed they can finally enjoy their victory, even as Shaw's former followers keep sending doubtful looks our way.

I have not the slightest idea what we're supposed to do next. At this point in time, I'm so full of relief: that Shaw was stopped, that there was no War, that I didn't fire that gun, that Charles hasn't lost his legs…that Erik is still here…I can hardly keep control of all my emotions, all my thoughts, and a quick look from Charles in my direction shows that I may be letting more than a few flashes through. Well…it's not like he won't be finding all the truth soon enough anyway, while I'll be forgetting everything…Yep, soon everything will be made right, specially all that never was the first time around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will not be in this fic. Since this is written in Moira's point of view (and we're only missing one chapter, just so you know). Instead, next week the update will be the first chapter of the second part of this series: "Amity", chapter is called "Trust" and is pretty much Cuba from Charles's point of view (hope it goes well). You'll get the chance to find out what really went on in that beach this time around that Moira wasn't privy to.
> 
> See ya there!


	5. No Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuba is over and done for. Moira knows what's coming, and this time she's ready for it, doesn't mean she won't do everything in her power to help before the end comes...or will it come?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here! At the end of this journey...so to speak. For those who missed it. Last week (when I did not update this fic) I posted the first chapter of "Amity" which is a companion to "Hope". It begins with Charles's account of what happened with Cuba and will continue from there, each chapter either in his, or Erik's point of view.
> 
> Still, this is the last chapter of this fic. It's been a great pleasure writing it, hope you've enjoyed reading it. Here we go! The Finale!

**Part Five. No Goodbyes**

I almost expected to be interrogated and then have my mind wiped the moment we set foot back on the manor. Instead I end up getting a week long reprieve.

It is Azazel who gets us back to the mansion, he and the others are going to give it a try, at being part of our group, before deciding if they'd rather stay permanently or leave. Charles wants so much for it to work, so Raven and I try to set an example by renewing our friendship with Angel, and then try to make the others feel included as well. Azazel seems especially flabbergasted by the fact that a human would accept someone who, for all intents and purposes looks like a devil, to which I reply that I have seen actual devils who looked like humans (never actually clarified on that point, but he doesn't seem to need me to).

Tensions run high for the first few days, but eventually we all begin falling into a pattern. Well, all except for me. Unlike what happened during training week, the one after Cuba I barely spend time in the mansion at all. It is exhausting to leave every morning early to drive around at least half an hour, make sure I always arrive to HQs from a different spot, and then do the same in the evenings after I leave, to make sure no one will be able to follow me to Westchester.

During that week I make sure to erase any and all information that may have survived Shaw's attack on the Compound. I can't actually make anyone forget they know mutants exist, that knowledge will, regretfully, stay with them; but I can make sure they have no way of tracking Charles, Erik, or anyone else.

On the seventh day I go to Erik and Charles, both of whom seem quite surprised to see me.

"You've been very busy this week Moira." Erik comments, a mix of curiosity and doubt in his voice. "Mind telling us what you've been doing?"

"Why don't you see for yourself?" I offer.

I call them to a small study Charles allowed me to use, a couple of doors down from my own room. There, in a corner, sit all the boxes full of records, originals, copies, even notes, tapes, pictures, etc. Everything I could find related to mutants is there. As well as a few other things on CIA members, for safety reasons.

"What is the meaning of this?" Charles asks, obviously surprised by what he is seeing.

"I know my status as Agent may still make you uncomfortable, but trust me when I say I'm doing everything in my power to make sure you will all be safe, or as safe as you can possibly be." I state with complete honesty.

"You're honestly giving us…giving me, this?" He asks.

I don't need to ask what he's talking about, I recognize the files I put there: copies of the official files of everyone who I know had a say since the 'mutants' got involved with the CIA.

"I actually had some doubts about adding that." I admit. "But if things truly get as bad as your paranoia says they might…you might need that kind of information to protect yourselves."

"Is this really…did you really erase all record of us?" Charles asks, surprised.

"Yes." I answer. "If anyone has personal records at their homes…well, that I can do nothing about. Just like I cannot make them forget what they already know, records or not. Also…I added something else there. I imagine you will want to spring Frost out sooner rather than later?"

Yet again eyebrows are raised.

"I don't like her, that's a given." I state. "But personal feelings aside, she's more of a threat where she is than with you. I imagine with Azazel's help you can go, get her, and get out with no one being none the wiser before it's too late to do anything about it."

"What happens when they begin suspecting you have something to do with this?" Charles asked. "You'll be seen as a traitor!"

"I won't be staying with the CIA after tomorrow." I confide in him. "After what happened in Cuba…I just do not trust them anymore. I still believe the same things I did when I joined the Agency; I just do not think anymore that they truly want the peace they preach about."

"What will they do to you if you're found out?" Charles insists.

"Do not worry about me Charles, you already have more than enough to worry about, what with your school, the children here, the children who will be coming, Erik…" I giggle slightly.

The secret, if it ever was one, was out the very morning after our mission to Cuba, when we all went to breakfast still half-asleep, only to be abruptly woken by the sight of Erik and Charles playing out the most domestic scene I could have ever imagined. There had been nothing sexual about it, just a depth to the looks they directed at each other, to the ease with which they moved around each other as they arranged breakfast for all of us; it had shown all the younger mutants what I had known that night, the first I had spent in Westchester: that Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr were made for each other.

"We agreed you would be telling me the truth after Cuba…" Charles declares suddenly.

I do a double-take, I have been preparing so hard for the end…rushing to do in a week all that I had taken a month to do the first time around, and even more. I knew all along that the day would come when I would have to leave it, leave them all behind; yet I completely forgot my promise to Charles of explaining him what he saw in my mind in Cuba…and really, if there could have ever been a worse moment for such truths to have come out, incomplete as they ended up being!

"Look, Charles…" I begin, not quite knowing how to explain the feeling I'm getting right now.

"You promised." He reminds me, eyes narrowing.

"I know, I know, and before you begin to consider tearing into my mind to find out what it is I'm hiding, just hear me out please." I try to convince him to give me a little more time.

It's obvious Erik knows at least a part of it already, otherwise he would have attacked me the moment I talked about hiding something, especially hiding something from Charles, he's just overprotective like that…

I begin talking, and as I do I begin showing him brief flashes of the memories I've kept hidden until now, nothing too telling, and certainly nothing about him, or Erik, basically the last few days of my other life, though with no sound, so he can focus on my voice:

"My name is Moira MacTaggert, former CIA Agent, Doctor in Biochemistry and Genetics and recently redrafted into the CIA…" I state almost in a monotone. "Whether you may believe it or not, I'm actually seventy-seven years old, I came from the future."

"It's impossible." Erik states right away.

"Really?" I tease with a smirk. "As impossible as one man pulling a submarine out of the ocean with nothing but his will, or another erasing a week's worth of memories from one mind, or children doing things like flying, firing plasma rings, screaming at frequencies capable of shattering glass? Yep, time travel is impossible indeed."

"Why did you come back?" Charles focuses in the important part.

"I'm afraid the answer to that question is not one you will want to believe Charles." I tell him softly, knowing how much pain my answer is going to bring to him.

"Tell me." He insists.

"Ten years ago, in my time, war broke out." I state, projecting quick scenes, making sure I do not show him anyone he knows right now. "It began with the creation of the 'Cure', an actual 'cure' for mutants, which I'm regretful to admit I had a part in."

"I thought you claimed to accept us." Erik hisses bitterly.

"I do, but at that point in time I didn't know everything I should have." I try to explain. "Most of the mutants I had come in contact with saw their mutations as curses, or sicknesses."

"It's part of who we are!" Erik yells.

"I know!" I cannot help but yell back. "But what do you want me to tell a young girl who only wants to be able to touch someone again, after she has spent the last number of years having to keep all of her body constantly covered, because her mutation consists on absorbing the energy and power of anyone she touches, human or mutant? What should I tell a boy who has gills, like a merman, and as such cannot ever be out of the water, cannot be a part of society?"

I begin crying, remembering the very people who had those mutations: Marie, Joshua, I knew them, they were dear friends; now they're gone. I'm back to a point in time when they haven't even been born yet and I don't know if they ever will be, I do not know how much the changes I've pushed into place may affect the possibilities of them existing.

"So the 'Cure' was created, and some took it, yes?" Charles chose to move on, rather than think too much about what I was feeling right then.

"Yes. But there was a group…they saw the existence of the 'Cure' as the ultimate action against them, and those who may want it, as traitors to their own race." I go on, not wanting to give out too much. "War broke out. And in the following ten years it only kept getting progressively worse. The 'Cure' was used as a weapon, rather than just a way to help, until it was discovered that its effects weren't exactly permanent, at least not with mutants of high class; they began regaining their powers after a while, and then developed resistance to the drug."

Erik nods, he likes that part at least.

"You were hit with the 'Cure' during the first battle of the war." I tell him right then. "Began recovering your powers right as the craziness of that first battle began dying out, shortly before the war truly began. You were the second person I knew who recovered their powers after having been 'cured', and the definite proof that it wasn't as permanent as it was supposed to be."

"What about Charles?" Erik asks gruffly.

The metal-kinetic, while a bit put out knowing something like that could happen to him, and in a way already had, doesn't fail to notice that I have yet to talk about Charles and what became of him in that awful future when his dream prove to be quite impossible.

"Charles…you…you were dead. You died before the war actually broke out." I admit after what seems like forever.

"Killed?!" Erik practically screams in denial. "By whom?"

"An out of control telekinetic." I'm unwilling to say too much. "It wasn't her fault, not really. She was so powerful…from what I know, you sealed a part of her power when she was young; she did not know; she wasn't prepared when that part of her was unleashed when in danger…it took her over." My voice breaks a little. "I do not know more than that. Only one person bore witness to the tragedy, and he never said a word about what happened…"

I know I do not need to say anymore concerning that, they know perfectly well who it was that bore witness; however, there are some things they still do not understand…

"There's no way Charles could die without me doing something to stop it. Without even dying to stop it if it were necessary." Erik states with raw passion and honesty.

Charles reflexively moves to embrace his lover, quite obviously in denial about the mere idea of Erik dying, I know, I can see it; and I suddenly understand something else: the look in Magneto's eyes the day he went to the mansion to pay his respects…it was the same look: the same denial, coupled with the despair of a love that was never allowed to flourish.

"Things between you…they weren't quite what they are now, in the time I came from." I admit.

That leaves Erik in shocked silence, while Charles just nods his head, he'd obviously seen it coming, at least to a point.

"Erik left me, didn't he?" He asks quietly.

I can just nod.

"What?!" Erik screams his refusal at the mere possibility. "No! Never! I would never…" he spins Charles in his arms, holding his face. "How can you even believe I would ever…"

"I saw some things in Moira's mind that day, in Cuba." Charles explains quietly, turning to look at me. "They were just flashes, but I got the gist of it. I saw myself screaming in the wreckage of the blackbird, screaming at Erik not to do something; knowing what I know now of what went on with Shaw…I have an idea of how things went down the first time around."

When he refuses to say more Erik turns to me, his eyes demanding answers I cannot give.

"I actually do not know what happened, exactly." I admit. "I remember Charles screaming at you, telling you not to do something, then he screamed…oh Lord, that scream…then when you came out of the sub you were wearing that helmet."

Erik actually freezes at that, apparently beginning to understand.

"The other part I saw, I'm not exactly sure what it means." Charles admits. "I saw a flash of me falling, hurt, and you were screaming about not making the same mistake…"

I actually begin to cry at that, I had been so shocked at what I'd almost done in that moment, I didn't even register when that flash of memory slipped through my shields.

"Don't make me say it…" I whisper in a hoarse voice. "Please don't make me say it."

"Just tell me, how permanent was the damage?" He insists.

"Pretty permanent." I admit.

I flash him a scene of himself in the wheelchair, the last memory I have of him before he erased my memory back in that timeline. I just cannot bring myself to say it out loud.

"I see." Charles just nods.

"What did you see?" Erik demands.

"It doesn't matter." Charles replies simply. "It is the past. What matters is that it did not happen." He turns to me. "I imagine Erik chose to leave after that?"

"I…I…you couldn't conciliate your differences." I admit. "You believed too much in the good of humanity, Erik in the bad." I turn to the metal-kinetic with a nod. "Neither of you were willing to give in and compromise; and I think the tensions of what happened to Shaw and…everything else didn't help matters any. In the end, we split in two groups."

"Raven left too." Charles nods, not needing me to say a word.

"To be fair, I think your over protectiveness might have been misinterpreted by her." I try to salvage some of it. "She thinks that you do not want her in her natural form because you do not find her beautiful like that. In the end, she's a teenager, she has doubts and needs to know it's alright to have them, and that there are people who can help her grow."

"For so long I focused on protecting her: from our stepfather, from our stepbrother, then from the rest of the world…at some point I forgot I also needed to help her grow up." Charles admits with a depressed sigh.

"Look at it this way Charles." I tell him, trying to cheer him up. "She's still here, she loves you, and that's something I'm quite sure she never stopped doing, regardless of everything that happened in the future…the other future. You now have the chance of making things better between the two of you. What I saw then…it doesn't have to happen, ever." I sigh. "And that's the point I was trying to make. I know I promised you the truth, to tell you, and even show you if you wanted. But now, I don't think you should. Things are so different now…you shouldn't torture yourself with might-have-beens. The good, and especially the bad, those things are all gone now. You have a chance for another future, what I honestly believe will be a brighter future than the one I've lived through already." I smile melancholically. "I believe you and Erik together can achieve so much more than you ever did apart."

It takes several moments, but eventually he nods, and I smile, knowing I've convinced him. Now I won't have to torture him with things that will never be, neither the good, nor the bad. He and Erik both together will get the chance to write their own history, the way it should be, the way it was meant to be all along…

"Well, I guess this is it then." I say with a sigh and a sad smile. "The end has come…"

Yes it has, and what a bittersweet end it is, for I have achieved so much, and yet any minute now it will all be lost to me…however, I know this is how it's supposed to be, and I accept it. If it's the only way for all of them to be alright, to be safe, I'm willing to sacrifice myself, to give up all the wonderful memories I've made in the last months…

"The end?" Erik doesn't seem to like the sound of that.

"Yes, I've noticed several times now you've made reference to something like that." Charles agrees. "In the way you talk about protecting us, making us safe…a week ago we were all one team, now it would see we're not."

"It's just something I've known all along is coming." I tell him with a sad smile.

"That I'm going to wipe your mind." Charles finishes for her.

"Another erasing a week's worth of memories from one mind…" Erik quotes, understanding filling his expression. "You were talking from personal experience."

I do not know how to put it into words, so I end up projecting the memory into Charles's mind:

" _Moira, for us anonymity will be the first line of defense." Charles is saying._

" _I know." I try to make him realize that I am not naïve, I understand the risks. "They can threaten me all they want, Charles. I'll never tell them where you are. Ever!"_

" _I know you won't." He nods, a somewhat sad smile on his face. "I know."_

_When he moves to kiss me I think nothing of it, I'm attracted to him, have been almost from the day we met. And yet, when we finally kiss, it seems somewhat bittersweet…I do not actually get the chance to ponder on that, as that idea, along with everything else, is abruptly lost in a blank void in my mind…_

"I am sorry." Charles whispers, closing his eyes in regret.

"It's alright." I assure him, trying to smile bravely at him.

I remember something else then, a line of thought I had recently, and project it into his mind as best I can…

_Charles, if you happen to read my memories before you wipe my mind this time around, it's okay, I know why you're doing this, and I'm alright with it._

_So I will enjoy my time this week with my dear friends, my second family…and then I will let go._

Charles raises his head then, a mix of surprise and awe in his expression.

"You would really do it, you would give up all those memories you cherish so much right now, your friendship with Raven, with all of us, to protect us?" He asks softly.

Erik's eyes widen, he's obviously not been made aware of my memories, but still, he gets the gist of it; and it's obvious he wasn't expecting it.

"Yes, I'm willing." I nod confidently. "It's alright Charles. I may not have understood the first time around. But now I do. You need to keep you, all of you safe, and I am a liability. At least there's the hope we'll meet again. I have all the intention of becoming a doctor this time around too. And since I did that before I know I won't forget. At least that way we'll get the chance to meet again someday. Even if I do not know we used to be friends." I try to play coy as I add. "Though, I really do think we could forego the kiss this time."

Erik's eyes widen even more and he practically splutters, I chuckle in mirth, though I do try to cover it up as best I can; it will be a pity to have to forget the sight of Erik Lehnsherr all flustered… but oh well, that's the way it has to be.

Charles moves his hand to touch my face and it looks like he might say something, but then I begin to feel light-headed, my sight is fading ever so slowly and I smile…so this is how it will go this time around…it's alright, I knew it was coming, and at least I can hope I…we all, will have a better life this time. We've all gotten a second chance, and that makes everything worth it… Goodbye my friends, my family…

**xXx**

As I move through the day…I almost feel like I am dreaming. Like it's all not quite real…I'm called to an official debriefing with Director McCone and a few others, mostly the same ones who were present when I introduced the Xaviers to the CIA. I can hear myself talking, though I'm not fully conscious of what it is I'm saying, like I'm doing it all in automatic…

"I remember the attack on HQs…" I am saying. "Leaving to go somewhere else…and then this morning…I woke up at home. And that's it."

"All that time wiped clean from your mind. Just gone." Director McCone seems more shocked than disbelieving. "He can do that? You don't remember anything?"

"Sometimes I get fragments." I murmur, still not fully in control of what I'm saying, like I'm following some kind of script, or a déjà vu. "Like...trees, sunlight…a kiss…"

A kiss…? Why did I just say that? There was no kiss was there? No…there wasn't. There couldn't have been a kiss because Charles is in love with Erik…and where did that even come from? How do I still know anything?

"Oh, Jesus!" The Director exclaims right then. "Gentlemen, this is exactly why the CIA is no place for a woman!"

I roll my eyes, as if I hadn't heard him, and pretty much everyone else, say similar things before; almost every day in fact.

Suddenly a loud alarm begins echoing all around, and a part of me knows what is happening before Agent Stryker even begins yelling questions into the phone. They've gotten Frost out… or at least, they've finally found out that they got Frost out.

Most of the men leave the room in a hurry, I honestly have no idea what for, it's not like they have a snowball's chance in hell of getting Frost back, or stopping whoever came to get here, in the unlikely case that they actually caught them leaving…

"MacTaggert."

It takes my name being said to realize that Director McCone is still in the room, looking at me.

"Yes sir?" I ask respectfully.

"Are you completely sure that you do not remember anything after the attack on HQs?" He asks.

"Absolutely sir." I reply instantly. "I…I think it might actually go back further than that. The memories of the summer are blurry. I remember the time I spent in the office, and some nights at my apartment, but not much of what I did the rest of the time, other than I was with them…I suppose, if it truly was one of them who did this to me, they just didn't want to take any chances that their safety might be compromised…"

"What about our safety?" McCone grumbles.

"Sir?" I'm not quite sure I like where this is going.

"People who can read minds, who can make themselves look like anyone they've seen, who can lift submarines from the ocean and disable every weapon created by man…" McCone enlists with growing tension. "What are we supposed to do if they decide to turn against us? How are we humans supposed to protect ourselves?"

"Sir, with all due respect, you turned against them first." I cannot help but say.

"What?" That actually seems to take him by surprised.

"In Cuba sir." I clarify.

"I thought you did not remember."

"I don't. But I read the reports filed by the Fleet Commanders before the meeting. The missiles that were fired at the beach… according to what I read, the beach was supposed to be secure by that point? Why fire then?"

"We had no confirmation that the threat had truly been neutralized."

"Did I not confirm it?"

"You did. We had no way of knowing if you had been compromised."

"If I…but only C…Mr. Xavier would have been capable of that, right? Wasn't he on our side?"

"Sides are relative MacTaggert. They are not human, we cannot hope for them to be with us. Especially not considering what Lehnsherr did with those missiles…he was supposed to be on our side too."

"But the missiles didn't kill anyone, did they?"

"No, thankfully they exploded before they hit any of the ships. Still, the unmistakable truth is that we cannot grow complacent, next time we might not be as lucky."

"Well, I still think that as long as we aren't the ones to throw the first punch, so to speak, we shouldn't have anything to worry about."

"You…you let us make these decisions, alright?"

And there he goes again, discriminating me because I am a woman…I am so happy I won't be staying around for much longer.

"In any case, I hope you realize that even if not exactly your fault, you're going to be getting an official reprimand for the way all this turned out." My superior goes on.

"But it's not my fault my memories were erased!" I cannot help the whining, really, why should I be punished for something not my fault?

"I'm sorry MacTaggert, there's nothing I can do about it, my hands are tied."

Yeah…sure…his hands may be tied, but mine certainly aren't. I consider going into a rant about discrimination, genders and feminism, but in the end I just do not see the point, it's not like my words are going to change anything. And considering the delicate position I'm already in I cannot risk going into a rant and ending up saying things I shouldn't. I'm already lucky enough that my last complaint didn't ruin everything. Erik would kill me…

"It's quite alright sir." I say out-loud, before handing him a sheet of paper.

"What is this?" He asked, not even reading it.

"My resignation sir." I answer promptly.

"Your what?" He certainly didn't see that one coming.

"I came to the CIA to help our country sir, not to be a glorified secretary, which I know is pretty much what will be happening after that meeting I was just in. I am not interested."

"MacTaggert, do you realize what you're doing?"

"Yes sir, I'm taking charge of my life." I actually smile. "I always knew it wouldn't be easy, being a woman in the CIA. But after this…it's going to be next to impossible! Maybe someone else will come, one day, prove to you that women can, in fact, be good Agents. I just don't care for it right now."

"What will you do then?"

"I don't know. Probably go back to school. I seem to have gained a certain interest in medicine recently…who knows? Maybe I'll end up doing something better of my life than I ever could have here at the CIA." I shake my head. "In any case sir, we both know I have more hope of making a life anywhere but the CIA right now."

He nods, he cannot deny that. So in the end he doesn't say anything else, just signing my resignation and handing it back to me.

"I will make sure you have the best retirement plan we can offer someone of your status, and a good pay for this last assignment." He assures me. "Regardless of how much we may dislike some of the end details; truth is we would be in a Nuclear War right now if it weren't for you."

"And them." I cannot help but add.

"And them." He nods, though reluctantly.

I say nothing more, it's not necessary really. He's made up his mind, and I've made mine; a line has been drawn in the sand and we're not on the same side. I just hope, if he ever decides to act on his thoughts, that it won't be until the others are ready, and that things won't end up somehow as bad, or worse, than they did the first time around…and what does that mean?

My head is beginning to hurt and I cannot understand my own thoughts. What first time? What things going bad? I'm beginning to sound like a science fiction novel. Ideas like Apocalyptic futures, alternative timelines, second chances? Yeah, right…as if such things are even possible.

**xXx**

It takes a week for my resignation to be fully official, then I'm able to cash in my last paycheck, it's not enough, but at least I will be able to pay for any tests I need to get back to college and tuition for the first semester. I'll have to see about getting a scholarship, or a part time job, or even a loan, for the rest of it. But it's alright, it's what I want now, and a part of me tells me I'll be happier as a doctor than I ever was as a CIA Agent.

After two more weeks I've sold my apartment and have decided to spend some time in my old home in Philadelphia, at least until I've made arrangements for my return to school and know for sure what I'll be doing about my living arrangements.

I'm quite surprised to receive a Thanksgiving invitation, with an address I know well, better than I expected to; though I'm not sure why exactly. In the end, and since I really have no family or friends to spend this day with, I decide to go. Some instinct insides me makes me leave much earlier than one would expect to be necessary when traveling from Philadelphia to Westchester, only to find myself driving around for at least half the time, making sure no one follows me (something I know in the back of my mind is very important).

When I finally step out of my car, they are waiting for me right outside the door: Charles and Erik; standing there, smiling at me. I'm embracing Charles before I'm fully conscious of it.

"You did not erase my memory…" I whisper as I hug him.

"I did not." He agrees.

"Why?" It's the question that's been bugging me all along.

"Because you're a very dear friend and I didn't want to lose you, didn't want all of us to lose you, if it wasn't absolutely necessary." He explains.

I nod, infinitely happy about it.

"You still told your superiors your memory had been erased." He comments, probably picking it from my mind, either that or someone's been spying on me.

"I did." I nod. "That whole day felt so strange, with me feeling like I shouldn't remember something, yet doing so…and I'm not even sure why I feel like my memory should have been erased! It's the strangest thing!"

"What do you mean you don't remember?"

"Exactly! It's like a part of me is convinced I shouldn't remember any of this, yet I do!"

"I did not erase anything from your mind." He makes a pause before adding. "Actually, you gave us quite a scare when you fainted all of a sudden, right after we finished talking about everything that happened in Cuba…"

"What happened in Cuba…right…" I shake my head, feeling slightly dizzy as I remember that day. "I have no idea what ever made me think I ought to point a gun at a metal-kinetic." I turn to Erik. "Really, I'm sorry about that, I do not know what came over me. It wouldn't have done any good, if anything I might have ended up hurting someone else!" I shudder. "At least I returned to my senses and dropped the gun in time."

Charles and Erik look at me in silence, and for a moment I get the feeling like I am missing something, like maybe I did forget something, though I have no idea what it might have been (which I suppose is the whole point).

In any case, I guess in the end it does not matter. I remember so much I have a feeling I could have forgotten, might have in a different time and place. I am thankful for that, it doesn't matter what it is I'm missing, because I still have the most important of all: my friends, my family…

"Moira!" I hear a voice call.

Suddenly I'm enveloped in a rather…blue embrace. Raven is there, in her natural form, except for the fact that she's actually wearing clothes, a small black dress which covers her modesty but not much else.

"Looking good Raven." I tell her, embracing her back.

"Thank you." She twirls around to show me. "It's a good compromise don't you think? My natural form, but wearing clothes. I get to be myself, without giving my brother a heart attack by being completely naked!"

I chuckle, so it seems Charles finally got around telling his sister what it was that really bothered him about her natural form. I'm not quite sure why it doesn't bother me, though I know it never has; maybe it's because I'm a woman, or I'm just that open minded. It's not really important.

**xXx**

Dinner is wonderful, and the talk on the table shows a tight group of friends I know, without a doubt, I'm incredibly lucky to be a part of.

Charles convinces me to stay the night, while Raven persuades me to go with her and the other girls on a shopping spree the next day (being Black Friday and all). I enjoy it, though I do end up beyond tired by the afternoon. I manage to convince her to let me catch a cab back to the mansion before she, Angel and Emma go to continue their trip.

The boys are there to greet me when I arrive, apparently Raven called ahead to let them know. Something importance since a considerable number of bags are in the trunk of the car (it's a very good thing the Xavier family is rich, and apparently so was Shaw, and Emma has turned the control of all his monies and assets to Erik, for whatever the reason).

After a relaxing bath I feel like breathing some fresh air and end up taking a walk around the estate where, for some reason or another, Charles and Erik end up both joining me.

"So, how many students do you think you'll have here, once you get the academy up and running?" I ask suddenly, not knowing what else to talk about.

"As many as I can manage." Charles declares with enthusiasm. "Possibly more."

"I cannot imagine the torture it's all going to be, with brats running all around." Erik pretends to shudder before chuckling.

It feels good to see him laughing, an instinct tells me he hasn't had a lot of laughter in his life and that, had things gone any different in Cuba, he might not be having much ever.

"Yes, and I'm sure you'll go all paternal on them." I say almost without thinking. "While Charles will be the mother-hen."

"Hey!" Charles tries to appear annoyed but ends up laughing. "I resent that."

"I'm sure you do." Erik chuckles, before pulling Charles to him, stealing a kiss.

I'm not sure why I'm so happy at the scene, I just am. I don't care if them being together is supposed to be illegal; at this point being a mutant seems to be almost illegal too, and since the second is perfectly natural why shouldn't the first be too? In the end, love is love.

That line of thought, or at least part of it, reminds me of my last conversation with my superior and it makes me tense.

"Moira?" Charles asks, worried.

"Charles, I need you to read my mind." I tell him before I can regret it.

He nods and I focus all I can in that particular conversation.

"Ah…" Charles nods, apparently understanding my unease.

"I really, truly hope I did not end up making things harder, saying too much, but he just made me so annoyed!" I hiss. "What he said about you all…"

Erik's face shows several conflicting emotions, though even when there is some anger, I know instinctively it's not at me; and the stronger emotion I can see in his eyes is protectiveness.

"No, you did not say anything bad Moira." Charles assures me. "In fact, I am honored, your defense of us…well, it gives me hope for the future."

"As long as you remember that not all people are like me Charles." I quip, with the barest hint of a smile. "There are some that will wish you harm, and you need to be ready."

"We will." Erik says, full of confidence. "I will let Charles try his diplomacy, but when it fails, and we know it will at some point…some people are too full of hatred and…evil to accept those of us who are different without trying to either control or destroy. We will defend ourselves."

"Good." I nod.

Charles opens his mouth several times as if to say something, but in the ends stays quiet.

"Look, things are…well, not too good right now." I say, trying to make things a bit better. "And we all know it might not get any better for some time. However, I truly believe that one day the government is gonna realize how lucky they were to have Professor X and Magneto on their side. And of course, the X-Men as well."

"X-Men…" Charles repeats. "I like that. And it includes you as well you know, you're a part of this team as well."

"Even if she certainly isn't your student, Professor." Erik quips.

"Well, I don't know about that…" I smirk before turning to look at the telepath through my lashes in my most seductive impression. "The Professor has certainly taught me a lot…"

In a second Charles is spluttering and looking at me with nothing but shock in his eyes. Erik and I cannot hold back our laughter.

"You would certainly fail if you ever were a student of mine!" Charles tries to defend himself.

"Well, I hope that's not a prediction of what's to come." I say with sudden nervousness. "After all, I am going back to school…"

"So you're going through with it then?" Erik asks.

"That's the plan." I nod. "Of course, I still have to pass the needed exams and find a university that is willing to accept me."

"You know, I can put a good word with Oxford if you wish, and I'm sure Hank would offer the same concerning Harvard." Charles offers me.

"Well, thank you, I certainly would be a fool not to accept your offer, I just hope to be worthy of it." I'm suddenly feeling quite humbled.

_You're worth more than you'll ever know, Moira._

I hear those words, as if whispered by the wind, and I'm not sure if Charles said them, or Erik, or neither of them at all. In any case, they comfort me, putting me more at ease with myself, and with the path I've chosen to walk in my life. A path I feel is so right…like I've been meant to walk it all along. Maybe I was a doctor in another life, who knows? Maybe one day I'll find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And maybe one day I'll decide to write a sequel for this ("Amity" not withstanding, since most of the chapters I've written thus far take place at some point during the four weeks between Cuba and Thanksgiving...we'll see.
> 
> Once again, hope you all liked it. I would love it if you would leave reviews, telling me what you liked, and what you didn't of this fic. This is one of my first times (actually the second, I think) I write something in first person, the first time I write for this fandom, and the first time I use a yaoi pairing. Any constructive criticism you can give me will be very much appreciated.
> 
> So, coming up next week: second chapter of "Amity" (and from there the rest of that fic): what happened exactly that night after the group returned from Cuba, and the next morning, when Erik and Charles were 'outed'.
> 
> See ya around!

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is it for this part of the series. As has been stated before, as a companion to "Hope", "Amity" is already on the works. We'll see what, if anything, comes after that. 
> 
> The poster that serves as promo for the series can also be found on deviantart: http://th03.deviantart.net/fs71/150/f/2013/031/f/4/hope_and_salvation__series_poster__by_princess_lalaith-d5tf6uz.jpg


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